The Strange Adventures of Sheila the Decepticon Swim Instructor
by Spectral-Aspen
Summary: Ravage starts swimming, Frenzy take photos, and suddenly Megatron think that having someone teach the Decepticons how to swim is a good idea.
1. Prologue I

_[303]_

Pure dialogue.

More of prologue than anything else.

**[PoV Character]**

* * *

**[Frenzy]**

"Ravage, what are you doing?"

"Swimming."

"...I can see that."

"Then why did you ask."

"Because I want to know _why _you're swimming."

"Then you should have asked me, 'Ravage, why are you swimming,' as opposed to the question you actually voiced."

"Fine, jeez, Ravage. Why are you swimming."

"Practice."

"Practice?"

"Did I flinch?"

"No..."

"Then what is the issue?"

"Well..."

"As Cybertronians that can fight in space we are equally capable of fighting under water as well, yes?"

"Yes..."

"And we have to practice fighting in space before we can actually do it with any kind of skill, yes?"

"Yes..."

"So I'm practicing swimming, because how anyone expects me to fight underwater without being able to maneuver even reasonably well is beyond me, and thus, the practice."

"Can I ask another question?"

"You just did."

"... can I ask two more questions?"

"Yes."

"Why do you have inner tubes wrapped around your legs?"

"They provide floatation, and make moving harder, so when I take them off I will be more graceful."

"Okay... just... don't tell Soundwave."

"Should he not be aware of this?"

"Well, you look kind of-"

"Be careful of what you say next, Frenzy."

"-not fierce, and I don't think anyone would be able to take you seriously if they saw you swimming in circles around what to us is basically an over-large puddle with yellow inner tubes around your legs."

"Well then, don't tell anyone, deal?"

"Deal."

"Good."

"Of course, this means I won't be able to take you seriously after this."

"Like you did in the first place."

"... still. I'll take you even less seriously than before."

"We'll see who's taking who seriously when I kick your aft in the next underwater battle, little brother."

"Pfft. Like that's going to happen."

"We shall see, brother. We shall see."

* * *

Thoughts?

If you've read _Spectral Frequencies _then you may recognize this as Chapter 22 (Swimming).

I've decided to expand on the idea.


	2. Prologue II

_[636]_

This little bunny was spawned by redsparrow1060 who so kindly said "Let's hope Frenzy didn't take pictures."

**[PoV Character]**

* * *

**[Frenzy]**

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

"C'mon Ravage! What did you expect me to do?"

"NOT TAKE PHOTOS OF ME PRACTICING SWIMMING AND _SELL_ THEM!"

"Well, I did make a lot of credits.."

Ravage snarls at me, optics flashing furious red.

I laugh nervously. Last time she looked that mad was when the Autobots called her 'Kitten.'

"Ravage?"

An angry rumbling is emanating from her chassis.

"Uh... why are you looking at me like that?"

Her glare intensifies, wicked sharp denta flashing, sharp claws extending to click against the metal floors.

"So, maybe I screwed up a bit-"

She crouches down, powerful limbs coiling, muscle cables flexing as she prepares to rip me to shreds.

"-a lot! I screwed up a lot! I'm sorry! Maybe Megatron will see-"

The growling has somehow started to sound more vicious.

"-ndhe'llrecommendthateveryonedoitbecauseit'sabrilliantideaandthenyoucanwatcheveryoneelsewearingfloatytubesincudingme."

I hurry to appease Ravage before she actually mauls me, my words tumbling together quickly enough to make that Autobot (Zippy?) jealous.

She settles down, no longer prepared to spring, staring at me with slightly less rage than before.

"And, uh, since you've already gotten pretty good you probably will be able to watch and take photos of everyone else, and they'll probably look even more ridiculous because they're not nearly as graceful as you and it'd make awesome blackmail material."

A devious flare lights Ravage's optics just as the door swishes open and Soundwave walks in.

He stares at us, me still cowering slightly, and Ravage staring at me with an expression normally seen on the face of one about to cause enough mischief to make the target(s) wish for self-deactivation.

I can tell he really doesn't want to ask, but does anyways, stance slumped in defeat and prepared to cringe.

"Ravage. Frenzy. What are you doing?"

Ravage turns from me to Soundwave, that horrific look still on her faceplates, and evilly purrs to our creator, "We have a proposition that Megatron needs to hear."

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"THIS IS RIDICULOUS!"

"SHUT UP STARSCREAM! AND STOP CLINGING TO ME FRAGGIT!"

I look back to the lakeside where Ravage sits, gleefully watching as every single Earthbound Decepticon flails about in the water, trying to figure out how to swim but not wanting to look like a complete idiot while doing so.

The only ones not flailing are Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Thundercracker, and Soundwave.

Buzzsaw is perched on Soundwave's helm and is staring at everyone will ill-disguised disgust. Laserbeak is happily sitting on Thundercracker's helm and watching Vortex try to use his helicopter propellers like that of a boat's, chirring softly as the furious mech refuses to admit defeat despite his multiple failures.

Soundwave and Thundercracker are both magically treading water, using a method known only to themselves and stubbornly refusing to tell.

"This could not possibly get any worse."

I look over at Rumble, flailing as he is next to Dead End, who looks mournfully at the smaller mech, "It can always get worse."

Rumble starts sputtering as a wave hits him right in the faceplates, "How could it possibly get any worse."

"AUTOBOTS, TRANSForm and..."

Dead Ends sighs, "That's how."

I look at the shore across from Ravage to see the Autobots standing on the beach, many are staring at us in amusement, but most just look confused.

Optimus leans down and whispers not-so-quietly to the Autobot SIC, who is staring at us in stupefied shock, small puffs of smoke can be clearly seen coming from his helm, "...Prowl, what are they doing?"

On the shore opposite the Autobots I can hear Ravage laughing.

* * *

Thoughts?


	3. So It Begins I

_[12854]_

Primus above, look at how long this chapter is!

**[PoV Character]**

"Spoken aloud"

_name: comm chatter_

random _emphasised word(s)_

* * *

**[Buzzsaw]**

"Can you believe this?"

I sigh and look over at Rumble (he's still a little bitter about the whole swimming fiasco), "Yes, I can believe it."

He huffs and glares at me, "But seriously? These are the dumbest orders _ever. _I have never, in my millions of vorns with the Decepticons, been given such _stupid _orders. Except where the Giant Purple Griffin was concerned... but otherwise these are by far the dumbest orders ever." He leans towards me, "_Ever."_

I flap a wing at him, and he has to lean back to avoid getting slapped. "Quit complaining, at least we're not stuck on the Ark for no apparent reason like Laserbeak is all the time. She's probably bored out of her processor."

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[**Laserbeak]**

I internally applaud as Grimlock spews fire down the corridor after the Twins, scorching the walls and finally covering that damnable orange with something that doesn't burn my optics. "Me Grimlock rip you twins apart and roast you for dinner!"

Sideswipe peeks around the far corner, "Aww, c'mon Grim! You gotta admit," I can see his smirk from here, "the sparkles make you shimmer beautifully in the firelight."

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**[Buzzsaw]**

Rumble sighs, "Yeah, poor Beaky." He pauses, "These orders are still stupid."

I can feel myself twitching, "Rumble, just because we've been ordered to capture a human doesn't make these orders stupid."

He glares at me, "It's not the part about capturing a human that bothers me, Buzzer, it's the reason we're getting this meatbag in the first place." He starts grumbling, "Stupid Ravage and her swimming practice. Stupid Frenzy for taking pictures and making her mad. Both of them are beyond stupid for getting it into Megatron's processor that we should learn how to swim. I mean, seriously? We don't need to breathe! Why should swimming be a concern?" I go to interject, but Rumble's on a roll, "And getting a fragging _human _to teach us how to swim? Ludicrous! Abhorrent! It's a disgrace to the Decepticon name!"

He goes on, of course. I didn't know that Rumble knew so many big words. I silently comm. Thundercracker, who happens to be our ride and has yet to say a word about Rumble's ceaseless complaints, something I'm not sure I should be grateful for.

_Buzzsaw: Thundercracker? What's the ETA?_

I can hear a hint of amusement in his reply.

_Thundercracker: About an hour, though I may slow down a bit so if Rumble doesn't stop. This is entertaining._

I sigh, of all the times for Thundercracker to show his sense of humour, it has to be _now?_

_Buzzsaw: Yeah. Entertaining. That's the word I was thinking of._

There's a quiet rumble around us, the only sign of Thundercracker's near silent laughter. What a glitch.

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**_[Autobot Communications Line: Prowl &amp; Sideswipe]_**

_Prowl: Prowl to Sideswipe._

_Sideswipe: What do _you _want, Prowl._

_Prowl: Enjoying your punishment? If you're not now, you definitely won't later._

_Sideswipe: Mute it Copper. Sending us to _Canada _is not funny._

_Prowl: Skyfire seems to think so. Did you know he volunteered to take you and your brother?_

_Sideswipe: I hate you._

_Prowl: Hate is such a strong word, Sideswipe._

_Sideswipe: I know. That's why I used it._

_Prowl: You break my spark._

_Sideswipe: Did you actually want something, Prowl? Or did you call just to rub it in?_

_Prowl: There is a possible Decepticon signature about 30 minutes ahead of you if you continue at your current pace. Please inform Skyfire and prepare for a confrontation, but only engage if fired on first._

_Sideswipe: Why not just tell Skyfire directly?_

_Prowl: Because I don't want to._

_Sideswipe: ...come again?_

_Prowl: I do not wish to intrude on Skyfire's quiet time. It is his day off, you know. Was, actually._

_Sideswipe: I thought you said he volunteered?_

_Prowl: Yes, because he wished to get away from the Ark, not because he enjoys your company._

_Sideswipe: Wow. Thanks a bunch Prowl._

_Prowl: You're welcome._

_Sideswipe: Why not make Daffy do it?_

_Prowl: Your twin is being punished less severely than you. I did not wish to make him do it._

_Sideswipe: What? Why?_

_Prowl: I figured having you as a twin was punishment enough. He is merely supervising you._

_Sideswipe: You have got to be kidding me._

_Prowl: No. I don't._

_Sideswipe: _Daffy_is my _supervisor?

_Prowl: Indeed._

_Sideswipe: I'm gonna kil-_

_Prowl: 25 minutes. Good luck._

_Sideswipe: ...Prowl?_

_..._

_Great._

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**[Buzzsaw]**

_Thundercracker: The Autobot shuttle is behind us. ETA. 20 minutes._

I sigh, still doing my best to ignore Rumble's complaining. It has long since lost its entertainment value. For me, at least. Thundercracker is still, somehow, vastly amused.

_Buzzsaw: Fantastic. How is he gaining on us?_

Rumble pauses, but I don't bother getting my hopes up. He just had to stop for a bit to come up with more insults.

_Thundercracker: Skyfire is a shuttle. I am not._

I swear, I'm going to have a constant twitch by the time this mission is over.

_Buzzsaw: What's your point?_

I can practically feel the exasperation coming from Thundercracker, but I ignore it. It's not my fault I'm not an expert when it comes to comparing seeker and shuttle frame types. The only Decepticon shuttle I see moderately regularly is Astrotrain, (though Blitzwing is occasionally used as a transport*) and the seekers are all arrogant aft-heads that I prefer to keep away from.

_Thundercracker: Shuttles are built to carry heavy loads, and thus their thrusters are very powerful. While I am built for speed, I am currently being weighed down by you and your brother. Skyfire's hold is relatively empty._

I think my twitching is getting worse.

_Buzzsaw: Okay. First off, did you just call me fat? And second, what do you mean Skyfire's hold is _relatively _empty._

Rumble's still complaining. What an oblivious idiot. I can't possibly be related to him.

_Thundercracker: No, I didn't call you fat. I merely meant that I am built to propel my weight and my weight only. I am already slower than normal with all of the weapons that have been added to my frame since the war began, and having you and your brother aboard is only continuing to decrease my speed. Additionally, Skyfire appears to be transporting two Autobots, and I believe they are the Twins._

This time my twitch is so violent Rumble actually stops complaining and stares at me with concern. "Umm... Buzzer?"

Don't snap at him. Don't snap at him. It's not his fault he's so ridiculously oblivious. Not. His. Fault.

"You're supposed to spontaneously buzz, not twitch. That's why your nickname's _Buzzer_."

I'm done. I am so, fragging done.

I glare at Rumble, and he winces, "You know what?" I hiss at him, Ravage has the right idea with this hissing thing, "I honestly think that twitching is the least of my problems right now. I have been listening to you complain since we got this mission, and there are three Autobots behind us. Oh, and the best part? Not only are there three Autobots behind us, they are _gaining _on us, since apparently you and I are fat and are weighing TC down," said seeker sighs, and I hear him mutter something that sounds like 'never said _fat,' _but I ignore him, "which means they'll catch up to us in a few minutes and we'll be graced with not just the shuttle's presence, but that of those blasted Twins as well. Thank you, Rumble, for finally paying attention. You've picked a lovely time to do so."

Rumble doesn't move, he just sits there staring at me. Primus above, did I _break _him?

"Uh," I sigh quietly, I guess not, "okay, but can't we just shoot down the shuttle?"

I stare at Rumble, and I hear Thundercracker mutter something else, this time sounding suspiciously like 'why didn't I think of that.'

Rumble gives me a look that conveys how little he currently thinks of my processing capabilities, "You need to calm down, Buzzer. Seriously."

I'm so going to leave him behind in Canada.

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**_[Autobot Communications Line: Prowl &amp; Sideswipe]_**

_Sideswipe: Uh, Prowl?_

_Prowl: What._

_Sideswipe: ... wow, what crawled up your tailpipe and died?_

_Prowl: Get on with it Sideswipe._

_Sideswipe: Umm... okay. The 'Cons we're following are slowing down._

_Prowl: Excuse me?_

_Sideswipe: They're slowing down._

_Prowl: They._

_Sideswipe: Oh, uh, yeah. There are three of them._

_Prowl: They._

_Sideswipe: Yes._

_Prowl: Are slowing down._

_Sideswipe: Yes._

_Prowl: Are you sure?_

_Sideswipe: Yes._

_Prowl: ..._

_Sideswipe: Uh, you okay Prowl?_

_Prowl: Peachy._

_Sideswipe: Did you just-?_

_Prowl: No._

_Sideswipe: Uh, yeah. Thought not._

_Prowl: Do not engage the Decepticons. I'll send the Aerialbots out to help you, though it may take while for them to get there._

_Sideswipe: Okay._

_Prowl: Is that all?_

_Sideswipe: Yeah... thanks, Prowl._

_Prowl: Excuse me?_

_Sideswipe: Thanks._

_Prowl: ...You're thanking me?_

_Sideswipe: Yeah..._

_Prowl: I'm punishing you, telling you to _avoid engaging _the Decepticons, and you're thanking me?_

_Sideswipe: Yeah..._

_Prowl: Excuse me, I need to go see Ratchet..._

_Sideswipe: C'mon, Prowl, can't I be nice once in a while?_

_Prowl: Not to me._

_Sideswipe: Fine. I hate you. Forget I ever thanked you._

_Prowl: That's better._

_Sideswipe: Something is definitely wrong with you._

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**[Buzzsaw]**

"Hey, TC?"

I hear a snarl above the normal noises of a jet flying at full speed, "Don't call me that."

Rumble snickers, and I get the feeling Thundercracker will dump us without a second thought if we, and by we I mean Rumble, continue to annoy him. "Shut up, Rumble."

Rumble pouts, "What? It's not fair that Skywarp gets to call him that and I don't."

I can practically hear him screaming as he plummets towards the ground. "Just stop talking."

He pouts even more. I ignore him, and he relents with a world-weary sigh. "Fine."

Thundercracker sounds reluctantly curious, "What were you going to ask me?"

Now it's my turn to sigh. Why did he ask that? I finally got Rumble to shut up, and now he has an excuse to start talking again.

Rumble sits up happily, "Well, I was just wondering what the plan is. I mean, we slowed down so the 'Bots would catch up faster, right? So, even if we shoot 'em down, and by we I mean you 'Cracker, they're going to know we were here and they're probably going to send more 'Bots after us, if they haven't already-"

Thundercracker rumbles dangerously, "Get to the point."

"-so they're gonna be following us and it's gonna be hard to get a human with them following us."

Thundercracker settles down, and everyone starts thinking about that statement. Rumble's right, I realize. The Autobots, meddling halfwits that they are, will probably think we're up to some nefarious deed and will, "for the protection of sentient beings everywhere," send their own troops after us.

I sigh, so much for a stupid but easy mission.

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**[Laserbeak]**

I'm so bored. Now that Grimlock has finally calmed down (that took a while and was hilarious, oh the blackmail material I have) and Sideswipe has been sent away, along with his unlucky twin, there is nothing exciting going on.

Oh, wait, are those the Aerialbots? I thought I heard Prowl say something about a Decepticon sighting in southern British Columbia... better slow them down.

This is going to be so much fun.

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**_[Autobot Communications Line: Prowl &amp; Sideswipe]_**

_Prowl: Sideswipe..._

_Sideswipe: Yeah Copper?_

_Prowl: ...nevermind._

_Sideswipe: No! Wait! Prooooooowl!_

_Prowl: Fine._

_Sideswipe: I knew you loved me._

_Prowl: Goodbye Sideswipe._

_Sideswipe: No! I'm sorry! You hate me! Never love, love if for sentimental, emotional fools!_

_Prowl: I suppose I am obligated to tell you, despite your blatant disrespect._

_Sideswipe: I just do it to show I care, Copper._

_Prowl: ...The Aerialbots have been delayed._

_Sideswipe: Delayed._

_Prowl: Yes._

_Sideswipe: Really? This is a surprise to you? What happened? Did something shiny fly past them? A bird holding someone's house keys perhaps?_

_Prowl: They have been delayed. That is all you need to know._

_Sideswipe: Wait... did someone prank them? While I was away? Who dares try to take my throne!?_

_Prowl: ...goodbye Sideswipe._

_Sideswipe: No! You have to tell me who did it! I need to know! PROWL!_

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**[Laserbeak]**

That was too easy. I wander, happily hidden in the vents, after the Aerialbots as they trudge towards the med-bay, a trail of various neon paints and glitter sliding down to the floor after them. I almost laugh as Air Raid tries to wipe some off and it splatters against the wall. Then I have to look away, because the new colour combination is even worse than the normal orange. Primus help whoever has to clean that up.

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**[Buzzsaw]**

"I think Laserbeak did something to the Aeiralbots."

Rumble looks at me in surprise, "Really?"

I snort as she sends me a photo of the Aerialbots with their new paint jobs, crushing the tiny bit of sympathy that wells up when I see how much paint and glitter has managed to ooze into their joints. "Yeah, really." I send the image to Rumble and Thundercracker, and they both start laughing hysterically.

"That's amazing! I wonder how she managed that?" Rumble looks slightly jealous.

Thundercracker is shaking with the force of his laughter, "I don't think we should ever properly introduce Laserbeak to Skywarp if this is what she's capable of when she wishes to cause trouble."

I nod agreement, "She grew up around Skywarp and our twins, and now spends a frag-ton of time on the Ark watching the Autobot's Twins, who knows how dangerous she can be now?"

Rumble stops laughing as what I said sinks in, "I'm so glad she's on our side."

Thundercracker hums agreement, and I laugh quietly. I can feel Laserbeak quietly preening at the compliments through our bond, and she sends me a quick thanks for letting her listen in.

I send a wave of happiness back before reluctantly closing the bond with a final goodbye. Can't risk distracting her and blowing her cover.

"The Autobots are almost upon us, as soon as they get within range I'll take them out." Thundercracker sounds a little bored, but I don't blame him. Skyfire may be fast, but he can hardly be considered agile.

Rumble sits down properly in the undersized pilot's seat and straps himself in, leaving me to stare blankly at the myriad of straps and buckles adorning the small seat made for humans. How am I supposed to work this thing?

I hear Thundercracker snort quietly at my confusion, "Just sit down with your back against the back of the chair, I'll do the rest." I warily regard the chair and straps as I sit in it in a position that feels quiet ridiculous. The straps weave their way around my frame in a way that is most unsettling, and click into place around me, securing me carefully to the seat. There's little joy in Thundercracker's voice, "Here we go you two, brace yourselves."

Suddenly I'm pressed back into the seat as Thundercracker goes into a steep climb, going up and up and up; and then I'm almost falling out of the seat as we go upside down, and I look out the cockpit to see Skyfire below us, not even attempting to follow us, but instead banking steeply to try and avoid us as we come speeding down towards him. Thundercracker fires a single shot, and we watch as it hits one of Skyfire's thrusters and sends him spiralling downwards.

I know I'm impressed, and if Rumble's slow clapping is anything to go by he is too. "Damn 'Cracker, you should be a sniper."

Thundercracker finished his loop and levels off, not bothering to watch the Autobots smokey descent. "They'll probably be fine." He says quietly, and Rumble smirks.

"Good. That means there's gonna have to be a retrieval team, and they're gonna have to use some of their supplies to repair the idiots."

We fly up to the small, isolated town where the target human currently lives. After Soundwave was given the mission parameters, he started researching humans. Theoretically there had to be at least one that nobody would miss, and that would have some teaching experience, be it swimming related or otherwise.

Sure enough, there was one candidate that fit the specifications _exactly_. Her immediate family is recently deceased (tragic car accident, but the crasher, a dark grey Ferrari 308 GTB**, was never found, how sad) and she is currently unemployed/looking for a job. Her extended family has just left and returned home after the funeral, so she is completely alone.

Already, she made the perfect target. Then Soundwave dug a little bit deeper and found out that she is a fully qualified lifeguard and swim instructor.

Alone. Trained in the fields we need. It's almost scary how perfect she is for our needs.

Thundercracker descends, weaving among the Rocky Mountains and staying low. We eventually come to a lake that extends all the way up to the town where the human lives, and Thundercracker flies us as close as he can while staying out of sight of some crazy humans that have floating houses on the lake. As soon as he deems us close enough, he flips over and dumps us out with a cheeky, "Have fun sinking!" Luckily for me I manage to avoid getting wet by flying to shore. Rumble, on the other servo, sinks like a rock and takes about 20 minutes to stagger ashore. He looks decidedly unhappy, and begs me to carry him into town. I relent, and he gratefully transforms, allowing me to pick him up and head towards the town.

The human lives in a rather large house, but it's currently for sale. There are other people around, happily chatting about how nice the house is and how it has a lovely view of the ocean. Frivulous halfwits, there's an intergalactc war going on a country over and they're debating the view? Who cares if there's a tree in the way!

Regardless, I manage to settle down in the backyard, hiding among the branches of a small cedar tree to wait for our target to show up.

Rumble starts quietly complaining about being bored, but cheers up after I scare the neighbours' cat away when it's foolish enough to get within snapping distance.

Eventually, after all the strange humans have left, out target arrives. I silently glide up to the roof, hoping our target is like most humans and never looks up, and watch her get out of her rather old 's a dark blue 1969 mustang, and it seems to be in good condition. I doubt this is the car her family was killed in, then.

She walks into the house, and I can hear her moving around inside. She turns on some music, and dances around the house to it with unusual grace, even singing along in some places.

I quietly nudge Soundwave through our bond, he better have completed his part, or I'm gonna be stuck here with Rumble for a while longer and one of us is going to end up offlining the other out of sheer boredom... the human's not _that _entertaining.

[Buzzsaw]: Did you do it?:

Soundwave huffs and I can tell he's offended.

[Soundwave]: Soundwave. Successful. Buzzsaw. Should not doubt.:

I quietly sigh.

[Buzzsaw]: Yeah, yeah. Just making sure.:

Soundwave pushes a bit, and makes his displeasure known as he finds the plans I've drawn up to offline Rumble if he doesn't stop complaining.

[Soundwave]: Rumble. Important. Required status. Fully functional.:

I give Soundwave a mental shove to get him out of my processor.

[Buzzsaw]: No promises. He's really annoying.:

Soundwave shoves me back, and with more skill than I could ever hope to have.

[Soundwave]: Buzzsaw. Must show restraint. Offlining Rumble. Unacceptable.:

I grumble a bit.

[Buzzsaw]: I wasn't _actually _going to do it... it's fun to plan it out though.:

I get a sense of exhaustion from Soundwave before he controls it, and I feel guilty. When was the last time he got a decent amount of recharge? And here I am, pretty well rested, complaining about Rumble when Soundwave's stuck onboard the Nemesis with what has to be one of the most insane groups of mechs ever assembled.

[Soundwave]: My part. Completed. Femme's house. Sold. Contract with alternate residence. Terminated. Femme. Alone. Has nowhere to go.:

I haven't heard the human female say anything that's not song lyrics, even after I heard a thud that had to have been her running into something. She just kept on singing and dancing.

[Buzzsaw]: We'll get her as soon as it's dark. Might be a while. It is summer after all.:

I feel Soundwave draw away a bit, probably to reprimand someone, before replying.

[Soundwave]: Failure. Unacceptable. Mission. Important to Megatron.:

I send back a wave of understanding, along with an unspoken demand for him to get some rest. He ignores the second part and withdraws, leaving me once again stuck on a roof with noone but Rumble for company.

This is going to be a long wait.

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**_[Autobot Communications Line: Prowl &amp; Sunstreaker]_**

_Prowl: -reaker! Sunstreaker!_

_Sunstreaker: Stop yelling._

_Prowl: Sunstreaker, I am unable to get a hold of Sideswipe. What happened._

_Sunstreaker: Thundercracker shot us down. Sideswipe got knocked into stasis when Skyfire decided to hit every tree in the damn country, and I have needles in my joints._

_Prowl: Needles? In your joints?_

_Sunstreaker: Tree needles._

_Prowl: _Tree_ needles?_

_Sunstreker: Coniferous trees have them instead of leaves._

_Prowl: ...What's your position?_

_Sunstreaker: My GPS__was destroyed by a pine cone._

_Prowl: That's... unfortunate._

_Suntreaker: It scratched my paint._

_Prowl: The Aerialbots should be able to leave shortly._

_Sunstreaker: About time._

_Prowl: What is Skyfire's status?_

_Sunstreker: He's in a ditch somewhere._

_Prowl: You don't know where Skyfire is?_

_Sunstreker: Listen, Prowl, I had to climb a fragging mountain to get high enough to receive your call without slagging up my comm. receiver/transmitter even more than it currently is. Skyfire is a grown mech that is quite capable of moving on his own and taking care of himself. Besides... the trench he created wasn't _that _big, I'm sure he could have climbed out even with the trees sticking out of him if he really wanted to._

_Prowl: ...Stay in that area, the Aerialbots are en route._

_Sunstreaker: Whatever you say Prowl._

_Prowl: If any Decepticons show up-_

_Sunstreaker: Do you really think you need to tell me what to do if those glitches show their ugly faceplates, Prowl?_

_Prowl: I was going to say you should try to lead them away from Sideswipe and Skyfire._

_Sunstreker: Whatever._

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**[Buzzsaw]**

"Can we get her _now?"_ I glare down at the little cassette tape, sitting innocently on the roof next to me. It's hard to believe that something so small could be so fragging annoying, but after listening to Rumble for the last few hours as we waited for the sun to set, I find it becoming easier and easier.

The sky finally turns black, the stars twinkling softly within it. I turn to Rumble, "Yes. Now we can get her."

He quietly transforms and jumps down onto the balcony to examine the door, looking up at me after a moment. "How do we get in?"

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**[?]**

I slowly open my eyes, wondering why the hell I woke up. Then I hear it, a voice. I slowly stand up and grab the pellet gun I keep by my place on the floor.*** It looks identical to real handgun, so I should be able to scare whatever idiot's trying to rob me without too much trouble. Unless he has a gun too.

I slowly make my way into the kitchen and peer around the corner into the living room and out onto the balcony. I can see a figure out there, but it's standing in front of the streetlight and I can't make out any details. It looks blocky, and is easily above 7 feet tall. I can hear it talking.

"I can't break the door, Beaky! We're supposed to be covert! Breaking a sliding glass door is really _not _covert."

An irritated voice replies, "Well then, genius, what do you propose we do? We can't exactly go back to base and say 'Sorry Lord Megatron, we didn't get her because we were afraid to break the fragging door and couldn't get into her house,' we'd be blasted before we could twitch!"

I draw back, ignoring the voices for a moment. Megatron? Why is that name familiar? Wasn't he on the news? Isn't that-oh. _Oh. _And he's interested in _me? _I'm so dead.

I glance around the corner, and the figure on the balcony has been joined by a large bird shaped one. There's no way I can possibly escape, I'm surprised they haven't heard me or detected my heat signature or something.

Maybe I should shoot them. Maybe they'd kill me. It's not like anyone would care.

I draw back again. Nobody would care. Maybe they want to experiment on me or something. I take a quiet breath and peer carefully around the corner again. The humanoid figure is waving his hands around and whispering furiously to the bird one. They don't look _that _scary. Maybe they're lonely too?

"-ust break the front door down, then they'd think it was a normal robbery or kidnapping."

The bird one shuffles, and it manages to look really pissed off.

"Yeah, because normal humans kick doors down all the time, Rumble. Brilliant idea."

The humanoid one, I'm guessing that's 'Rumble,' throws his hands up in the air, "They do it in movies!" He hisses furiously, and the bird snorts.

"Yes, Rumble. The key phrase in that statement is _in movies,_ they don't do that _in_ _real life_."

Rumble puts a hand to his head, "I swear to Primus, Buzzsaw, you-" he drops his hand and whirls around, glowing red eyes meeting mine. He tilts his head a bit, and I can tell he's trying to figure something out. Then he crouches down so his head only comes up to around my chest, "Hey, human." He says quietly, bright red eyes never leaving me.

The bird (I think Rumble called it 'Buzzsaw'? Strange names...) hops closer to the door, "What are you doing?" It hisses at him, and he glances briefly up at it.

"I'm _trying_ to be less intimidating." He says quietly, his tone clearly conveying his opinion of Buzzsaw's question, before turning back to stare at me. I wonder what he's thinking.

Buzzsaw huffs and shakes his head before he too starts staring at me. I glance uneasily between the two of them. I sincerely doubt they're trying to kill me, if they were I doubt they'd have been so stumped by the door.

"We're not going to hurt you," Rumble says soothingly, and for a moment I feel a little insulted. Do they think I'm a wild animal?

Then again, I am peering at them from behind a wall...

Maybe the soothing tone is a little justified.

Buzzsaw sighs and shifts from claw to claw, giant metal wings moving silently. I can't help but stare at the strange sight, how many people can say they've had a giant metal bird and humanoid being trying to calm them down while plotting to kidnap them after getting stumped by the balcony door?

Pretty damn few I'm sure.

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**[Buzzsaw]**

I try to look as non-threatening as I can to the human as she looks curiously at us, but I get the feeling it's not really working. Or at least, she has yet to do anything that shows it's working.

I really want to break the door, but I suspect that would be a bad move.

Rumble doesn't even flinch as the human continues to stare at us. I'm surprised by him, I didn't think he'd be capable of being so kind. I sincerely hope it's an act, and that he's not hiding some ridiculously sappy side underneath all that annoying stuff that compels him to cause trouble.

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**[?]**

Buzzsaw glares at me for a moment before looking away.

Maybe I should do something other than stare?

Rumble gently presses a hand against the door, "Will you let us in?"

He seems nice, though I'm not too sure about Buzzsaw. He seems mad. Maybe it's because of the door? I hope it's not something I did.

"Why?" I ask quietly, the question hardly louder than a whisper.

Rumble apparently hears it though, because he perks up a bit, "We need your help," he says quietly.

I pause. We? Oh, right. His... faction, I guess I could call it. What could they possibly need my help with?

"Help with what?" I ask, this time a little louder.

Rumble rubs the back of his head, and the gesture is so human I can't help but stare. When he answers, he sounds embarrassed, "We can't swim."

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**[Buzzsaw]**

I can't believe we're having so much trouble getting a single human out of her house. Fragging covert operations.

This is ridiculous. At least Rumble's plan, whatever it may be, appears to be working. The human is at least talking to him now, instead of just hiding behind the wall. It doesn't seem afraid, though after being told that we need it's help with _swimming, _I get the feeling it'd be hard pressed to be scared of us.

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**[?]**

I take a hesitant step forwards, and Rumble's eyes go to the gun in my hands, and he tenses up. I slowly lift it up, watching his eyes follow it with suspicion. A quiet *click* echoes around the room as I gently rest it on the kitchen counter, "It's just a pellet gun," I say quietly, "it only looks real."

Rumble tilts his head again and looks at me curiously, "Why have a gun if it doesn't shoot bullets?"

I give a small smile, though I'm not sure whether or not he can see it, "Because nobody can tell it's not real until they examine it or I shoot something, and I won't get arrested for carrying around a pellet gun, no matter how much it looks like a read gun."

Realization lights Rumble's eyes, and he nods slowly, "That's smart," he sounds surprised.

I laugh quietly, "I do my best."

He stares at me again, "So, can we come in?"

I stare back, "Are you going to kidnap me?"

He pauses, and glances at Buzzsaw briefly before turning back to me. "Not if you come willingly."

It's better than an outright 'no' I guess. I quietly walk cross the carpeted living room floor to the sliding glass door, hesitating only a moment before taking the piece of wood out of the track (it stops the door from opening too far in case someone tries to break in, and is probably what caused Rumble and Buzzsaw so much trouble) and opening the door.

Rumble waits for me to step aside before slowly standing up and ducking inside my painfully empty living room. I almost cringe away as I realize exactly how tall he is. I barely come up to his chest, and he's not even standing up straight because the ceiling is too low. I look over as Buzzsaw awkwardly waddles inside, his wings barely making it through the door.

Great. Now what?

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**[Buzzsaw]**

I almost can't believe that worked. How the frag did _Rumble _of all mechs convince a human to let us into its house?

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**[?]**

I look nervously up at Rumble as he briefly scans the room, his eyes missing nothing despite the dark. He looks down at me, "You should pack your things, I don't know when you'll be able to come back."

I snort before I can help it, and Rumble looks at me with amusement. "Was it something I said?" He asks innocently.

I wave it off, might as well act normally now, "Nothing. I don't have much stuff, and what I do have is already packed." I look up at him a little apprehensively, "How are we getting to your base? Isn't it fairly far away, and underwater?"

Rumble pauses, and now that he's no longer silhouetted by the street light I can see him frown. "I don't know," he turns to Buzzsaw, "any ideas?"

Buzzsaw huffs and turns away, "No. Not any that don't involve begging someone to come get up, something I an _not ," _he turns to glare at us, "willing to do."

Rumble smirks and holds his hands up in surrender, "No need to get testy," he says chidingly.

Buzzsaw merely growls and turns away. I look at the two of them, and wonder why I'm even considering this. "I could drive," I say cautiously, trying to ignore the incredulous looks being sent my way, "you guys can transform, right?" They both reluctantly nod, "Well," I say thoughtfully, "if whatever you turn into is small enough, you could fit into my car."

Rumble and Buzzsaw proceed to have a staring contest with me standing nervously to the side. Eventually Rumble appears to win, and he looks down at me with a strange smile, "We'll go with you." His smile turns mischievous, "I hope you're a good driver," he says teasingly.

I scoff, "Of course I am. Let me just put my stuff in the car and we can go." Hold on, I pause and quietly swear as I remember. How could I have forgotten _them?****_

Rumble stares, "Something wrong?"

I look up at him with resignation. "Ferries. First one's not till 5 am, and the connector isn't till around 8:30."

Rumble stares at me, then at Buzzsaw, then back at me. He sighs, "I guess we have to wait, don't we?"

I nod, and he shrugs before looking around. "You might want to sleep, then. I suspect you'll be driving quite a bit tomorrow, and I would prefer to avoid any accidents."

I wince at the word 'accident,' but luckily neither Rumble or Buzzsaw seem to notice.

Rumble pauses and looks down at me with surprise before extending his hand.

I just stare, and he smiles. "We haven't introduced ourselves!" He says brightly, and I laugh.

"I know your names, I heard you trying to figure out how to get inside." He grimaces briefly before smiling once more.

"Be that as it may, we don't know your name." I stare at him. He can't be serious? They probably targeted me specifically and they don't even know my name?

I give him a sceptical smile and shake his hand, surprised by how warm it is. "My name? Sheila. Sheila Kennari."

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**[Laserbeak]**

Skyfire just came in with the Twins. He looks like a porcupine. I didn't know it was possibly to hit that many trees in a single crash and remain functional.

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**[Buzzsaw]**

We finally get the human, she is literally within reach, and we can't head back to base yet because of something called a _ferry? _You've got to be fragging kidding me! This mission is going to offline me, I swear.

On the bright side (as if this could possibly be considered bright) we don't have to beg a ride back to base from anybody. No, we just have to _drive _in a _human vehicle. _I hope she's as sane as she appears, last time I was in a ground-bound vehicle it was Drag Strip, and he's the complete opposite of sane.

Rumble's snooping around the house, and I'm still in the 'living room.' The human is, presumably, sleeping in her 'bedroom,' so called despite the fact it (she... whatever) claimed not to have a bed.

We leave at 3:30 am, so in approximately four hours.

I can't wait to get back to the Nemesis. Hopefully we'll be able to get Soundwave to carry us on board, and hopefully the human won't die from the intense pressure that come along with being in a base located on the bottom of the ocean.

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**_[Autobot Communications Line: Prowl &amp; Ratchet]_**

_Prowl: How are Skyfire and the Twins?_

_Ratchet: As well as can be expected._

_Prowl: Ratchet._

_Ratchet: Prowl._

_Prowl: ...How long until they fully recover?_

_Ratchet: Sideswipe and Sunstreaker should be fine in the morning. Skyfire will take a little longer, I need to get all of the trees out of him, ensure there is no organic residue left inside of him that can contaminate anything, repair his internals, and patch his armour._

_Prowl: Very well. Keep me informed._

_Ratchet: Not so fast, Prowl._

_Prowl: What is it, Ratchet?_

_Ratchet: When's the last time you recharged, Prowl?_

_Prowl: ...Let me know when the Twins come to._

_Ratchet: Prowl. PROWL!_

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**[Sheila]**

I wake up with a quiet groan, and take a moment to stare at the ceiling.

Last night couldn't have possibly been real, could it?

I look at my door as it slowly swings inwards to reveal none other than a grinning Rumble.

Definitely real, then.

He smirks, "This is you 3 am wake up call," I glare at him for being so cheerful at such an ungodly hour in the morning.

"Is the sun even up yet?" I manage to say despite my drowsiness.

His smirk somehow gets bigger, "Nope." He pops the 'p' in a way that for some reason instantly pisses me off.

I groan and slowly sit up, my sheet/blanket falling off me. Rumble stares at me in confusion, "Aren't human females normally more concerned about showing skin?" He asks curiously.

I look down at myself, momentarily horrified at the possibility of being naked in front of Rumble. Thankfully I'm not (naked, that is), a baggy tank top covers my upper body, a pair of shorts my legs. "I'm a lifeguard," I say, looking up at Rumble as he tries to decipher that statement. He ends up staring blankly at me, and I smile tiredly, "It means I'm used to seeing people in bathing suits, so skin doesn't really bother me."

He nods in understanding and ducks into my room, towering over me as he looks down at me. "You gonna get up?" He grins, "Or do I have to carry you?"

I stare at him, he can't be serious? "Umm... I'll chose option one."

I feel a little bad as his smile disappears, only for my guilt to go away as he obviously thinks of something else and smiles again. "Buzzer fell into recharge. Do you have any permanent markers anywhere?"

I slowly stand up and look up at Rumble's almost pleading expression, "I think so," I say slowly, hoping I haven't just signed my own death warrant with that admission.

He nearly jumps in joy, though I'm glad he doesn't. I'd rather not have a large hole in the ceiling of the house I'm trying to sell.

I fold my blanket and grab my pillow before shuffling past Rumble and walking down the hall to the living room. I stop when I see Buzzsaw is, by all appearances, sleeping.

I quietly walk downstairs to where my three bags are sitting forlornly in the entryway and open the one with all my clothes. I grab a bra and collared long-sleeve shirt to throw on along with my current tank top in addition to a baggy pair of jeans and socks before stuffing my blanket into the newly vacated space. I go to my 'survival bag' and grab my only three permanent markers, red, blue, and black, and carefully make my way back upstairs. Rumble is waiting at the top, and he does a weird little dance when I hand him the markers.

He looks at me with glee and mouths the words "thank you," unwilling to risk waking Buzzsaw I bet.

I give him a small smile and go back down the hallway to my room so I can change.

I come out a minute later to see that Rumble has managed to draw a curly moustache and a monocle on Buzzsaw's angular face, and is in the process of drawing a tiny top hat to match.

I stifle a laugh and make my way back downstairs to put my sleeping shorts away.

I'm about to go back upstairs when I hear en ungodly shriek that I'm sincerely hoping didn't wake the neighbours. There's a loud *thud,* and I race up the stairs to see Buzzsaw sitting on top of Rumble with his beak around am important looking cable in Rumble's neck.

Please don't kill him. Please don't kill him. I stare, absolutely terrified, as Buzzsaw slowly twists the cable. It's not enough to sever it, but obviously enough to hurt, and I flinch as Rumble stiffens, his mouth firmly closed.

Then Buzzsaw suddenly releases the cable and Rumble lets out a strangled sound, tensing even more before slowly relaxing. I think Buzzsaw says something, because Rumble flinches. Buzzsaw gracefully hops off of Rumble and looks up to stare at me, red eyes shining angrily.

I do my best to keep my voice steady, and am surprised when it works, "We can go now."

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**[Buzzsaw]**

I can't believe Rumble. He knows how tense I am right now, and he _still _had the _audacity _to draw on my _faceplates?_ He's lucky he's not offline right now. Who cares if my faceplates are black, and the marker he used was black, _I know what's there!_

Now Rumble and I are waiting for the human to come back. She left on her own (Rumble and I declined her offer to go along) to get a bunch of caffeinated drinks, I believe.

Oh how my confidence grows.

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**[Sheila]**

There's a very good reason the motto/catchphrase for 7-11 is 'Oh thank heaven for 7-11.'

Nobody else is open this early that sells caffeinated drinks (in Powell River at least).

I grab a few cans of Red Bull, and some bottles of Jolt Cola. Hopefully it'll be enough to sustain me for however long I have to drive. If not? Well, we are going to be passing a few convenience stores (a lot once we reach Vancouver) and hopefully I'll be allowed to stop for gas and food.

I fill up my car with gas, and fill up a gasoline jug I keep in my car at all times (just in case).

I carefully drive back to my house, slightly worried about the condition it'll be in when I get back. Luckily, it doesn't appear to have sustained any damage. I don't see any smoke, and all the doors and windows are still intact.

I carefully walk inside after turning off my car. No screeching or shouting. I don't hear the sounds of breaking glass.

I wonder if Buzzsaw and Rumble are even still here? Maybe they left? Maybe this was all some kind of incredibly elaborate practical joke?

Rumble jumps the stair railing and lands on the ground level in a crouch, "Hey there babe!" He grins, "Come here often?"

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**[Laserbeak]**

I love mornings onboard the Ark. Everyone suddenly becomes incompetent (more so than usual, at least). Mechs on the night shift are tired because they've been up all night, and everyone just starting to work is tired because they just came out of recharge.

This is my relaxing time. A time for when I can let my guard down (just a bit) and when I don't have to gather information. I can-

-Oh look. What's Prowl doing? He is not adhering to his schedule! He's going to... the med bay?

So much for my relaxing time.

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**[Buzzsaw]**

I'm incredibly grateful for my ability to recharge almost whenever I please. I got to miss most of the painfully slow driving, though Rumble tells me that our human (yes, _our _human) is a very good driver, and that her vehicle is good at taking tight corners at high speeds. He was very pleased with that fact, and I have to say I am too.

Sane, a good driver, and non-Cybertronian. She can take us places instead of the Stunticons any day.

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**[Sheila]**

Buzzsaw slept all the way to the border, lucky bird. How Rumble could tell he was sleeping when they're both _cassette tapes _is beyond me, but I (surprisingly) trust him.

Maybe...

As far as I can throw him.

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**[Laserbeak]**

I can't believe Prowl willingly went to the med-bay. Ratchet almost glitched (there was smoke coming from his helm and everything!).

Turns out he was just asking about the Aerialbots' location, since he apparently couldn't get a hold of them and Ratchet was the last one to see them.

It's kind of creepy how much I stalk certain Autobots. I'm pretty sure I know everyone's schedule before they do, considering I usually watch Prowl visually go over it before posting it.

The things I do for my faction...

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**[Rumble]**

This is fun. Sheila put me on the dash board so I see everything we drive by. It's such a different experience, driving through places instead of flying over them. A lot slower too, but you see so much more. There's been a war going on for as long as I can remember, so to see so much land with so few signs of fighting is weird, but in a good way.

Sheila's been talking to me since we left her house, she's really nice. I like her. I know Buzzsaw thinks I'm being a total sap, but I don't have to worry about Sheila ever hurting me because she's not physically capable of such a thing. I don't need to pretend I'm invincible and fearless. It would probably be a bad thing if I did, actually. I might scare her.

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**[Sheila]**

We're almost through Seattle when I turn to Rumble with a question I probably should have asked a while ago. "So, where are we going?"

Rumble shifts a bit on the dashboard, and it's really weird to see a cassette tape moving itself around on my dashboard. "East coast." He eventually says.

What? But... "That's a really long way away, Rumble."

Buzzsaw snorts, drawing my attention to the passenger's seat where he's resting. "The Autobots are on the west coast, so we're on the east. Besides, there are more industrial centers over there."

I sigh and look out at the hundreds of cars packed bumper to bumper that rest between me and the edge of Seattle.

This is going to be a long drive.

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**[Laserbeak]**

Prowl told the Aerialbots to go scout southern British Columbia for any more Decepticon activity.

Silly Prowl, my siblings left that country hours ago! Now they're going east to the Nemesis!

Approximately 5500 kilometres east, if you take roads (which my siblings unfortunately have to do). This means Buzzsaw is going to be getting a lot of 'quality time' with Rumble and the human.

Someone's probably going to offline/die.

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**[Sheila]**

I slowly pull over to the side of the highway, dead tired after driving for almost 19 hours straight. "Hey, Rumble?" I say, looking at the cassette sitting innocently on my dash board.

"Yeah, Sheila? Why'd we stop?"

I sigh, "Think you can drive? I'm really," a yawn attempts to escape, but I manage to contain it, "really tired, and I'd rather not crash." I almost hesitate before saying 'crash.'

Almost.

This is progress.

Rumble shifts a bit, "Umm... I think I can drive."

I snort, "That's reassuring."

He sounds indignant, "It's not my fault every car I've ever been in before now has been able to drive itself!"

I sigh and slowly get out of the car, groaning as everything starts to prickle as I get my blood circulating more. "Don't worry, I'll teach you."

Buzzsaw shifts, "Great. So, we'll still offline, but we'll be going at high speeds instead of driving off the road into a ditch or something."

I rub my sore eyes, quietly doubting my sanity as I listen to the two cassette tapes arguing once more.

I walk around to the passenger's side and grab Rumble off the dash, interrupting what sounds like a very heated reply to something Buzzsaw said. He goes extremely quiet, and I place him on the ground a few paces from my car and step back. He transforms and stares at me disconcertingly, the headlights of my car barely illuminating him enough to see, his red eyes glow brightly, almost seeming to hover some 9 feet of the ground. "You're brave," he eventually says quietly, before walking around to the driver's side of my car and staring down at it with contemplation. "How am I going to fit?"

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**[Sheila]**

"Okay, so, that's Lake Michigan, right?"

Buzzsaw sighs, I'm surprised he's still capable of sighing, what with how many times he's done it in the last two days. "Yes, Sheila, that is Lake Michigan. Yes, Sheila, I do know that for sure, and even if I didn't the lake's fragging _huge, _and since last time I checked we were still in Illinios and there is only one lake in Illinios that could possibly be this big, then it is, by default, Lake Michigan."

I stare out at the vast amount of water, so similar to the ocean and yet so different, as the sun sets and paints both the lake and the sky in a gorgeous array of colours. "Thanks for clarifying, Buzzsaw."

He snorts and hops onto the hood of my car, setting down next to me, "I guess you are not entirely to blame for asking such a ridiculous question." I stare at him curiously, and he sighs again, "I am equipped with a GPS while you are not."

I merely smile gratefully and turn back to the sunset.

Then Rumble comes out of recharge, his little cassette form falling off the hood from where I'd placed it next to me and landing on the ground with much swearing. He transforms and whirls about, his arms turning into two giant pile-drivers. I stare at him in disbelief, and Buzzsaw starts muttering about 'glitchy idiots who couldn't keep calm to save their own fragging spark.'

Rumble calms down in a few seconds, and looks at us sheepishly. "Good morning?"

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"You should stop to rest at the next hotel."

I look at Buzzsaw in surprise, he's usually the one that bemoans 'wasted time' whenever I have to stop to use the restroom, and he's suggesting we _stop? Completely? _As in, for an _entire_ _night?_

I'm not going to complain. I shrug, "Okay."

Buzzsaw shifts, his cassette form rattling a bit from where it's perched on the dash, "You're not going to ask why?"

I glance briefly at Buzzsaw and Rumble before turning back to the road, "I figured a while ago that if you wanted to hurt me you'd have done it by now, so I'm not _that _concerned."

I get the feeling Buzzzsaw and Rumble are communicating, even though I can't hear them. Sneaky little glitches.

Eventually it's Rumble that speaks up, "We just want you to be well rested for when you meet everyone else. They..." Rumble pauses, and I get the feeling he's not used to describing his comrades in a positive way, "... they take offence easily, and you get rather snarky when you're tired."

I snort, snarky is putting it lightly. "Whatever you say Rumble. I'm sure I'll be able to avoid getting stepped on if I put my mind to it."

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**[Buzzsaw]**

We're finally here, and we're all fully functional.

It's a fragging miracle.

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**[Sheila]**

"Just pull into that warehouse, we'll be leaving your car there."

I look past the chain link fence and barbed wire, over the large pieces of rusted machinery and scrap metal, and through the already open doors that appear to be stuck in the ground as opposed to actually attached to the building, "You want me to leave my car in _there." _

I look at Rumble incredulously, he's in what he told me is his 'bi-pedal' form, the form I'd originally just labelled 'humanoid' (because, really, it's _very _humanoid), and is reclining in the passenger's seat with Buzzsaw resting uncomfortably on his lap in cassette form. Rumble looks back at me, "Yes."

I stare back at the dingy warehouse, "The gate's closed."

Rumble sighs, "Yeah, I'm sure _that's _the reason you're stalling," and gets out of the car.

I open the window and lean out, "I am _not _stalling," Buzzsaw quietly starts laughing at me, "a closed gate is a legitimate concern for a ground bound vehicle like mine, especially when I'm assuming I'll get in trouble if I knock it down."

Rumble glares back at me as he unlocks the gate, "Excuses."

I settle back inside the car as Rumble waves me through, "Not excuses," I mutter quietly, and Buzzsaw just laughs harder.

I carefully drive around the various piles of rusted metal, and eventually come to a stop in front of the gaping entrance. There don't appear to be any windows, and I can barely see the interior of the warehouse.

Rumble trots past me and into the warehouse, then turns once he's inside, "Are you coming or what?"

I start quietly talking to myself, ignoring all senses of self-preservation by pulling slowly into the empty warehouse, "I hate it when people say that. _Or what. _Is there anything the _what _could possibly be other than the opposite of whatever you're supposed to be doing? Why is it so hard to say, 'you coming or not?' That clearly defines what the alternate option is, doesn't insult anybody's intelligence, and has one less letter."

Buzzsaw stays quiet while I mutter nonsense, letting me work off some of my building nervous energy.

Rumble motions for me to stop once I'm about a third of the way across the warehouse, and kneels down by an old oil barrel on the far side. It's the only object on the floor of the warehouse, there are several shelves along the walls with dusty and creepy looking objects, but the only thing actually on the _floor _is this oil barrel.

Rumble reaches inside of it and does something, and suddenly the floor is dropping and pulling back to reveal a large ramp leading down into a place far darker than the warehouse.

I stare as Rumble jumps down, it's easily a 30 foot drop onto a stupidly steep incline, and he lands easily.

I slowly drive down the ramp, and it gets steeper the farther down you go until I'm on what must be at least a 40 degree angle. I have a moment to wonder if I'll ever be given the opportunity to leave, and, if I am, whether or not my car will be able to make it _up _this ramp.

I eventually make it to the bottom, and the area opens up into a large empty room. I look back to see the door has closed, and I'm now officially trapped down here.

I open the passenger side door to let Buzzsaw out as Rumble strides over. "You can park you car over there," he gestures to a small area beside the ramp that would quite nicely fit my car, "our ride will be here soon."

I stare blankly at him, "Ride?"

Rumble grimaces as the sounds of a poorly maintained engine start to echo faintly, "Yes. Our ride."

I look down the tunnel as two faint pinpricks of light appear, "And our ride is-?"

Rumble pauses a moment and peers into the darkness before slumping, "Yup. It's him. Breakdown."

I stare, "_Breakdown? _I hope that has nothing to do with his personality or physical state."

Buzzsaw sighs mournfully, "It does, more than you could possibly know."

I stare back at the ever growing lights, "Well that's fantastic."

Rumble snorts, "Yeah, fantastic, _that's _the word I was looking for."

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**[Buzzsaw]**

Breakdown. Of all the mechs they could have chosen, he is surprisingly one of the best. He may be ridiculously paranoid, but at least that makes him careful. Around a human, careful is definitely a good thing.

Sheila looks like she's calming down, which is strange. One would think that seeing a sentient being, one that happens to be one of the "bad guys," ominously approaching out of a tunnel you can't see more than a few meters of would induce more fear than entering the tunnel itself.

Apparently not.

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**[Breakdown]**

There's a human at the end of the tunnel. There's a _human _at the end of the tunnel.

It's going to kill me.

Rumble and Buzzsaw are with it.

They're probably going to record the whole thing.

I knew they were going to get me, I don't want to touch it (or them), I need to go back to base and hide.

But... Motormaster is back at the base.

A-and he said-

Don't think about what he said. Don't think about it, don't you dare think about it it's _scary _and now I'm thinking about it and maybe transporting a human isn't _that _bad because if it's a choice between the wrath of the human or Motormaster I'd rather chance the human's wrath and avoid Motormaster's any cycle.

Rumble is smiling.

Rumble is _smiling. _That's never a good sign, his creator is _Soundwave _and I don't know a lot about Soundwave and he's scary maybe even scarier than Motormaster because I don't know much about him so he could be a kind of scary that's _worse _than Motormaster and I wouldn't know. I know what kind of scary Motormaster is, and it's not nice, but I _know. _I _know _and I can expect it, I don't know Soundwave and he doesn't talk much and when he does it's in _that voice _and Megatron almost never gets mad at him and he's the TIC and I don't want to get any closer but I _have_ to.

Oh Primus Rumble just _laughed _and it was a happy laugh and not an evil one like his normal ones and the human is looking very pleased and I _really _don't think this is such a good idea because Rumble is crazy -not Wildrider crazy, but still crazy- and he's short and can fit in small places like the vents (those could only have been built at Soundwave's request so his minions could watch us all) and are always monitoring us for disloyalty and maybe I should go through with this because they've seen me by now and if I don't take them to base I will be disobeying orders which counts as being disloyal which is a category that treason falls under and I don't want to go offline.

I should slow down some more I don't want to scare the human it might attack me and is that a car over by the exit ramp? Oh no I hope it's not another Cybertronian it looks like it would be fast and scary and if it had swords or daggers it could cut me into pieces and I really don't want to have to visit the med bay because Hook is there and he wants to take me (all of us Stunticons, really) apart to figure out how we work and why we can take so much damage and I'm going to stop moving and hopefully the mustang won't see me if I don't move and I won't have to go to the med bay.

"Hello, I'm Sheila. What's your designation?"

The human spoke to me, it spoke to _me._

What do I do I don't want to offend it, it could get mad at me, maybe I should just answer the question and hope it stops talking to me.

"B-breakdown. I'm Breakdown."

It (Sheila, call it Sheila) smiles at me and it's a _nice _smile and it's not mean at all and _NO! _I won't let it (Sheila) trick me! It's just pretending to be nice to me so I'll let my guard down and then it (Sheila, it said it's designation was Sheila) will strike and I will be in trouble and everyone will make fun of me because a tiny organic (femme, tiny organic _femme _named Sheila_) _took me down and I don't want that to happen.

"Would you mind opening your door, Breakdown?"

It (she) sounds nice and it (she!) looks nice and it (_she)_ asked nicely but then it'll (she'll) be inside of me and maybe it's a reasonable request because I have to take it (Sheila) to base with Rumble and Buzzsaw.

"Okay."

I just opened my door to an _organic _and it (_Sheila) _is being nice and not touching anything she doesn't have to and now Rumble and Buzzsaw are transforming and getting in and maybe if I don't talk they'll forget I'm here or at least focus on the hu-Sheila.*****

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**[Buzzsaw]**

Thank Primus that's over.

Sheila was actually getting along with Breakdown.

Granted, she was incredibly patient and nice to him and was quiet enough that I almost had to strain to hear her whenever Breakdown freaked out at a weird looking shadow... but still!

_Breakdown._

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**[Sheila]**

I don't know why Rumble was so mean when describing Breakdown, I mean sure he scares easily (really, really easily) but you just have to be patients with him (really, really patient) and he'll not be quite as scared of you.

Granted, I talked to him a lot like I talked to the children I had to teach how to swim when they were terrified of getting any part of themselves wet because 'water is for drinking not playing,' but hey, it worked and I made a new friend.

I think.

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**[Laserbeak]**

Prowl's so stressed out right now, I kind of feel sorry for him.

Not sorry for him like Bluestreak-sorry, but fairly close.

He's hardly stopped to recharge, and has convinced himself (with a gracious amount of help from Red Alert) that us Decepticons have either done something horrible or are doing something horrible and that the trip to southern British Columbia was a major part of that horrible something.

Surprisingly they're not _that_ far off the mark, or at least, they wouldn't be if kidnapping a human female and keeping her trapped onboard the Nemesis was considered horrible.

It's not. Seriously. There are plans to _feed _her and keep her _hydrated _and I think Megatron even threatened to send someone to... keep Shockwave company... for a few days if they tried to hurt her because she's a vital part of his 'plan.'

If that's not nice I don't know what is.

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**[Starscream]**

The pathetic human is _finally _here. Why it took Soundwave's brats so long to get the damn creature I doubt I'll ever know. To be honest I was hoping they took so long because it died along the way.

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**[Soundwave]**

Starscream is displeased with the human's presence. Understandable, really. She's able to swim, and he isn't.

Not only is she able to swim, she's going to be teaching Starscream how to swim.

I'm just glad Rumble and Buzzsaw are still functional, and that the human is intact.

Additionally, I'm (incredibly) pleased that I can already swim, and don't have to partake in any of the human's swimming lessons.

I get to record them.

Oh, what wonderful blackmail material those lessons will give me.

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**[Megatron]**

I'm starting to regret ordering this human be brought onboard the Nemesis to teach us to swim.

I doubt the advantage swimming will give us could possibly be worth listening to Starscream's endless complaints about it.

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**[Buzzsaw]**

I stare over at Sheila warily, she's _sitting _on _Breakdown's _shoulder and _chatting _with him.

_Breakdown's _shoulder! _Chatting!_

He looks _happy!_

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**[Sheila]**

"So that's why I always kept the gun right next to me, because I didn't want anything like that to happen to me again."

Breakdown nods, and I tighten my grip on the edge of his shoulder armour as he does his customary glance around to make sure nobody's spying on him, "That was a good decision, though I doubt that a pellet gun would deter anyone once they figured out that it was not capable of killing them or causing major injuries."

I smile gently, careful not to let it get too big lest it scare Breakdown, "Yes, but I am a fairly good shot and eyes are very vulnerable and easily damaged targets."

Breakdown pauses, considers, and looks around, "If it's dark how will you be able to see their eyes?"

I shrug, "I guess. Pellet guns can carry quite a bit of ammo."

Breakdown looks at me briefly, considers, and looks around, "Well I suppose..."

He trails off, and I think he's doing that silent communication thing that Rumble and Buzzsaw always do. Then he looks at me, and he's terrified again, "Megatron wants to see you before you go to your quarters."

I nod and gently pat his shoulder, "You can drop me off outside the door if you don't want to go in," I assure him, knowing that Megatron is a legitimate reason to be terrified.

Buzzsaw speeds up to hover in front of us, "We will escort her in, Breakdown. Once we reach the command center doors your part will be finished."

Breakdown shudders, nearly dislodging me, and nods nervously, "O-okay, I'll do that."

I start quietly humming the tune of an old family song to center myself. I'm only about to meet the leader of the faction that, according to the news, is trying to take over Earth and steal/destroy all of our resources.

And I'm going to be teaching him how to swim.

Fantastic.

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**[Megatron]**

Why do I even have to meet this little human anyways? It's not like I won't be nearby should I desire to meet it later and have a conversation with it.

Who am I kidding, I doubt I'll ever seek this human out. Might as well get this over with.

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**[Buzzsaw]**

This is it, Sheila is finally going to meet Megatron.

If she survives this, she'll be in. Theoretically, her status as what is basically a vital part in one of Megatron's plans (regardless of how ridiculous the plan may be) should keep her safe.

That, and nobody enjoys cleaning dead humans off their pedes.

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**[Rumble]**

I'm nervous. Nervous on Sheila's behalf of course, I would never be nervous for my own safety. I'm Rumble.

She doesn't appear nervous, and that makes me nervous. Why is she so calm? Maybe she doesn't know who Megatron is?

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**[Sheila]**

Finally my years of purposely facing my fears have paid off. I'm used to faking confidence, I'm just hoping none of the Decepticons will be able to notice. I don't think Rumble has, at least. He keeps shooting me nervous looks, like he's questioning my sanity.

How amusing. He's only now questioning the sanity of a human that didn't put up a fight with and willingly drove two aliens she'd never met before across the country to their secret base so she could become their _swimming instructor._

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**[Laserbeak]**

Apparently a missing person report just went out for one Sheila Vei Kennari.

Prowl's considering it, but I don't think he believes that we Deceptions would kidnap a random human female so close to their base when there are literally billions that are much further from the Ark.

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**[Sheila]**

Now that I'm not on Breakdown's shoulder anymore everything seems so much bigger. Seriously, the doors to the command center are enourmous! It hurts my neck when I try to look at the top! They just go up, and up, and up!

They slide apart with a loud *hiss* to reveal a gigantic room (think airplane hangar).

There are Decepticons inside that are far larger than Breakdown, and they all look very, very intimidating.

There's a dark blue one with a red visor-type thing, and a cover over his lower face. I get the feeling he's not the best conversationalist.

There's also a huge red, white, and blue guy with wings. He's looking at me with a remarkable amount of distain, and I make a mental note to avoid ever being alone with him.

Then, in the middle of the room, is a comparatively plain looking fellow. He's all grey and black, and he appears to he a bucket with a hole in it for his face as a strange helmet. He's not looking at me with disgust, or distain, but with careful contemplation, almost as if he really doesn't want to have to form an opinion on me right now.

There are a few others, but they don't draw attention like the three in the center of the room do, though that might be attributed to general positioning, it's possible that if there were three completely different Decepticons in the center of the room I would think them equally attention grabbing.

The visored one shift minutely towards the grey one, "Lord Megatron." The grey, Lord Megatron I guess, one turns to the visored one, " Organic femme. Designation. Sheila Vei Kennari. Occupation. Lifeguard and Swim Instructor."

I contain a sigh, I'm not a _swim _instructor. Not exactly. The official term is Red Cross Water Safety Instructor, though I suppose that may be a bit long.

Lord Megatron turns to look down at me. "So, Sheila, you can tech us to swim."

It doesn't sound like a question. "I believe so, Lord Megatron." Rumble quietly sighs in relief, and Lord Megatron smirks a bit. "Good." As if my role was ever in doubt. That's literally the one constant that I've had throughout this whole fiasco.

Lord Megatron turns to Rumble, "Escort her to her quarters. Don't lose her."

Rumble nods respectfully, "You got it Lord Megatron."

Said lord rolls his eyes and turns to the winged one, a dismissal if I ever saw one.

Rumble, Buzzsaw, and I make our way out of the command center without a word, and I allow myself to relax as the huge doors slide closed behind us. "That wasn't so bad."

Rumble snorts, "You weren't even in there for five minutes!"

I grin, "Exactly."

Buzzsaw sighs, "Now we have to show you to your rooms."

I stare at him, "Rooms? How many rooms?"

Buzzsaw shuffles his wings, "Since you are so small compared to us we were able to turn a storage closet into a set of rooms for your use. I believe there are at least ten with various accessories that humans seems to require in order to function. There would have been more but they had to be larger than normal human rooms so that the smaller Cybertronians, meaning my siblings and I, could fit in them as well."

I stare at Buzzsaw, there was much to process in that statement.

First of all, ten rooms? At _least? _Just for me? That's a lot...

Second. Siblings? That would imply that Rumble and Buzzsaw share a parent, and that means that these guys can have kids. Reproduction. I... I really don't want to think about that.

These Decepticons are so big, and that would mean that proportionately-

No. Just... no.

Rumble pokes me, "Sheila? You alright?"

I rub the poked area, "Yeah, I was just thinking about that."

He tilts his head, "About what? Your rooms?"

I nod, "Yeah. And... Buzzsaw said siblings."

Rumble looks between me and Buzzsaw in confusion, "Yeah? So?"

I hesitate, "Does that mean that you guys, like, reproduce?"

Rumble stares at me, "Duh, how do think we came into existence?"

Buzzsaw sighs, "No, we don't have sex, if that's what your wondering."

Comprehension dawns on Rumble's face, "Eww! No! We definitely don't have sex! That's so gross!" I sigh in relief, goodbye bad images. Then Rumble continues, "We interface instead!"

I shudder and do my best to ignore all the different, but equally wrong, images that popped up at that cheerful statement, "How far away is my closet?"

Rumble pauses, "Well, it's not that far for us, but it's probably pretty far for you."

I glare at him, "I'm not _that _much shorter than you are."

He grins, "Yeah, but I don't get tired like you humans do."

Suddenly there's a loud *clang* behind me, and I whirl around to see a Decepticon that looks identical to Rumble but for his colouring staring at me curiously. "You look funny."

I growl, "Oh really?"

I can see Rumble gesturing for this weird copy of him to shut up, but the copy ignores him. "Yeah, you're a female right? So why's your hair so short?"

I roll my eyes and sigh, "Because hair is annoying, and I didn't want to deal with it, so I cut it off."

The copy stares at me, "Wow, that's harsh."

I stare back, "Not really."

The copy flinches, "But, didn't that hurt? How could you do that to your hair!"

Rumble's staring at his copy incredulously, "You can't feel hair you idiot!"

The copy scoffs, "Oh yeah? How do you know that?"

I run a hand through my hair, "It's dead."

The copy winces and stares at me again, "You killed it?"

Buzzsaw steps between the copy and me, "Sheila, this is Frenzy. He's Rumble's twin brother. Frenzy, this is Sheila. She's our swimming instructor."

I twitch. Don't correct him, don't correct him.

The newly dubbed Frenzy stares at me, "I think she'll get along with us 'Cons just fine. She's already a murderer."

* * *

_*_Bilitzwing is used as a transport in literally _one episode _in the original series. Cosmic Rust, episode 61 (thank you TF Wiki).

**Wildrider. He may have "accidentaly" gotten lost. In Canada. Because he was bored and Soundwave told him to go away and be useful. It turned out well for him.

***She's moving out, and has either sold or already moved most of her stuff into one of those huge storage lockers with the big sliding doors that open like garage doors, so she doesn't have a bed or a cot or anything like that. The pellet gun is just for protection.

**** Those of you that have read my other story _Blueward Bound _will be semi-familiar with the dreaded ferries. I like placing my characters in PowellRiver because I figured that something like the ferries would confuse/irritate the heck out of beings like Cybertronians. Poor Buzzsaw. (Thank Primus I don't live there any more.)

*****Breakdown keeps correcting himself because he doesn't want to call Sheila by her name because that'd mean acknowledging the being sitting in his seats as sentient (and therefore scary) but he also doesn't want to offend the nice lady because she could turn into a mean lady, and so he's arguing with himself on how to address her. (Writing Breakdown's part was surprisingly fun.)

The prank Laserbeak pulls on the Aerialbots is briefly described in Ch. 33 of _Spectral Frequencies _(Unusual Happenings).

Her name, Sheila sounds a bit like swimmer in German (schwimmer), and Kennari is (according to Google Translate) Icelandic for teacher. Basically her name means swimming teacher. I don't know why I chose Icelandic. Additionally, Sheila was my first life guarding mentor.

This chapter was 21 pages long. My longest single chapter ever. I would have broken it up, but I didn't want the chapters to be too short (which is my usual style) and I didn't want to break this up... the upcoming chapters should be considerably shorter.

Thoughts?


	4. So It Begins II

_[4509]_

**[PoV Char.]**

* * *

**[Sheila]**

Everything in this base is ridiculously far apart. It's all well and good for the stupidly tall Decepticons; they take five steps and _bam _they've made it all the way down the hall.

Not for me, no. I'm freakishly short (by Decepticon standards) and it takes me closer to 500 steps to make it down the hall.

It doesn't help that Frenzy is still going on about me murdering my hair. "But, it was _living _at one point!"

Stay calm. He's just like a child.

"Not only was it _living, _but it was _part of you! _How could you _do _that?!"

A really, stupidly annoying child.

I can tell Rumble is trying hard not to laugh, and Buzzsaw flew ahead of us a while ago, I'm pretty sure that 'fast as a pede-less empty' is supposed to be an insult, but not only do I have no idea what pedes are, I don't know what an empty is either.

I look over at Frenzy, and he looks genuinely confused.

I sigh, "Frenzy, most of this," I run a hand through my hair, "is dead _right now." _He looks at me askance, and I ignore him, "That's why it doesn't hurt to get your hair cut, the only part that's alive is the root which is where the cells divide to form new hair." I look pointedly at him, "I didn't _kill _anything. I was merely getting rid of dead weight."

Frenzy shudders, "It's still creepy and wrong."

I think I'm going to ignore him since listening and responding is getting me absolutely nowhere.

Rumble pokes my shoulder hard enough to make me stumble, and I glare at him as he smiles cheerfully, "So~o, Sheila, you have any idea how you're going to teach us?"

I grimace a bit, that's the question, isn't it? How do _I, _a _human _water safety instructor, teach _gigantic alien robotic guys _how to _swim?_

As I think about it, a very, very vague plan forms, and I look up at Rumble, "I'll probably need to know a little bit about everyone before I can teach them."

He gives me a weird look, "Why?"

Frenzy chimes in, either past the hair thing or giving up on it now that I'm ignoring him, "You don't have to know the _human _kids you teach beforehand, why should you have to know any of us?"

I smirk at them both, "Children are fairly easy to teach once you understand them. You explain in small words, you demonstrate with lots of exaggeration, and if you have to you physically manipulate them to show them the motions. Depending on the age group you either make everything a game or you treat them like adults, but not so much as to confuse them."

Rumble snorts, "Yeah, _that _sounds _really _easy."

I laugh, "Compared to what school teacher have to do I think it is rather easy."

Frenzy snickers, "Rumble _hates _school."

I glance up at them both, "School teachers have to deal with energetic children and teach them _academic_ things for an _entire school year_. I have to deal with those same energetic children, yes, but I'm teaching them an _activity_ over the course of _eight to ten days_. It's _way _easier."

Frenzy looks thoughtful (for once), "Okay, but that doesn't explain why you have to know the 'Cons you're teaching."

I paus for a moment, wondering how I can possibly put my thoughts into words, "Like I said, children are easy. They also all, for the most part, think the same. Decepticons? Not only do I not know anyone's _names_, I don't know how you'll respond to certain teaching methods. For example, I would probably have to be a little short with you guys, but really patient with Breakdown. I've met you guys, and I know a little about your personalities, so I can make that assessment. Considering I have no idea what I'll be _able_ to teach you, having a general idea of _how _I can teach you is fairly important."

Frenzy looks surprised, "Oh. That makes sense."

Rumble nods, "Yeah, but how do you not know what you'll be able to teach us? Won't you just teach us what you teach humans?"

If I have to explain this to every Decepticon I meet I'm going to be one very unhappy human. "Well," I say carefully, unsure of how insulting this will sound, "not only are you all _not _humans, but you've been fighting in a war for a _really _long time. I can't exactly teach you and expect you to listen to me like humans do. You have way more experience with just about everything. Additionally, you all sink. Human sink too, yes, but if we inhale then we float. I don't even know if you guys _can _inhale. As far as I know you don't need to breathe, and considering we're at the bottom of the ocean water pressure is obviously not a concern. Also, none of you look very flexible, and I'm not sure you'll be able to perform the swimming strokes I would teach humans."

Rumble and Frenzy don't say anything, and I sincerely hope I haven't offended them somehow.

Then Frenzy snickers, "Good luck, Sheila. I get the feeling you'll need it."

I look at him incredulously, "Wow, thanks Frenzy."

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**[Buzzsaw]**

Primus am I ever glad I decided to go ahead of Sheila and the twins, they're _so slow._

By the time they make it to Sheila's "rooms" I find myself fighting off recharge.

I can hear them coming from down the hall, "-rtex is one of the Combaticons and is kind of insane. Stay away from him. He's got a visor and facemask like Soundwave, and has helicopter rotors on his back. He's the only one on base that does, so it should be easy for you to tell him apart."

That would be Rumble, acting just as sappy as before around Sheila.

"Umm, okay. Chances of me remembering that, in addition to everything else you've told me about the Decepticons, are very, very small. I will try though."

And that would be Sheila, as irritatingly innocent as ever. I see not even that has changed in the ridiculous amount of time it took for her to walk here from the command center.

Then Frenzy speaks up, a single word (how unusual for him) "Summarize."

I can clearly hear Sheila's sigh, "Stunticons are crazy. Stay away. Contructicons are crazy. Stay away. All seekers are crazy. Stay away. Combaticons are insane. Stay away. Megatron is important. Don't bother him. Soundwave is nice, but also important. Don't bother him. You guys are nice, but I can't bother you all the time."

Rumble hesitates, "Yeah, I guess that is basically what we said."

Sheila sighs, "You used a lot more words though."

Frenzy snickers, "I don't think I've ever heard you talk so much, Rumble."

I can imagine their expressions. Sheila's slightly confused, but somehow amused. Frenzy is rather gleeful, and Rumble is glowering at both of them.

A snarl echoes down the hall, "We're in charge of her, you halfwit, if anything happens to her that makes it _our _fault."

Frenzy scoffs, "So? She's smart, for a human, I'm sure she recognizes insanity when she sees it and knows how to stay away."

I peer out the tiny front door of Sheila's "rooms" and glare at the three of them, "Would you _hurry up _already? I've seen legless glitch-mice go faster than you!"

Sheila stares at me, and then not-so-subtly leans over towards Rumble and whispers, "What's a glitch-mouse?"

Rumble shudders, but it's Frenzy that answers, "Nasty little creatures that try to eat you while you recharge."

Sheila looks horrified, "_WHAT?" _

Frenzy nods and mimics Rumble's shudder, "They go for a mech's energon lines."

Rumble looks around nervously, and I roll my optics, "There are no glitch-mice on Earth you idiots."

Frenzy glares, "You can't know that!"

I hop out the door, "Yes, actually, I can. The only way a glitch-mouse could have gotten to Earth is via a Cybertronian ship, and since the only Cybertronian ship to land remotely intact on Earth was the Ark, and everyone onboard the Ark was then in stasis for 4 million Earth years, all the glitch-mice would have offlined during those years in stasis. Their sparks were weak at best to begin with, and there's no way they could have survived so long."

Rumble looks concerned, "How do you know all of that?"

I grin, "Ravage thinks they're delicious."

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**[Sheila]**

I don't know why Rumble and Frenzy think it's so gross that Ravage eats glitch-mice. Ravage is the big cat one, right? Well then, why wouldn't she eat glitch-mice?

Rumble's gagging, "For Primus' sake Buzzer, that'd _disgusting."_

Frenzy's leaning over me against Rumble holding his abdomen, "Warn us next time you say something like that!"

Buzzsaw look unbelievably smug, and I carefully step out from under Frenzy towards him and the only-slightly-larger-than-human-sized door he came out of. "What's in there?"

Buzzsaw looks back at the door, "You're, uh, rooms."

I stare at him, "Why'd you say it like that?"

He stares back, "Like what?"

I cautiously walk towards the door, "Like you don't think they deserve to be called rooms."

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**[Ravage]**

I can't understand why Rumble and Frenzy think that eating glitch-mice is so disgusting. It's perfectly natural!

They have energon, we need energon.

They are prey, I am a hunter.

Why is that so gross?

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**[Sheila]**

Buzzsaw turns so he can face me as I edge towards the door, "Well, for us it's far too small. We had it cleaned and several levels put in that are more your size, but that doesn't change the fact that not everyone could fit inside of here even when it was a normal storage closet…"

I peek through the door, but it's dark and I can't see more than a few fee through the door. "Umm, are there lights?"

Buzzsaw scoffs, "Of course. Once you actually enter the room they'll automatically turn on."

I pause, and then quickly leap into the room, bracing myself for anything that may jump out of the dark at me.

Nothing happens other than the lights turning on, and I cautiously lower my arms and look around. The ceiling is about 3 meters high, tall enough for Rumble and Frenzy to stand without hitting their heads, and the room extends back about 20 meters. The sides are about 10 meters apart. It's huge, incredibly spacious, and also very, very empty.

I slowly walk into the center of the room and look around, wondering quietly if I yelled loud enough whether or not there'd be an echo.

Rumble and Frenzy follow me in, with Buzzsaw bringing up the rear. Rumble walks up to me and stands on my right, staring around curiously. I wonder if he's been in here before. "It's really boring." He says, sounding remarkably unimpressed. I guess this is his first time here too.

Frenzy trots past us, "Where's the elevator?"

I stare after him, "Elevator?"

Buzzsaw come up on my left, "Yes. Elevator. How else are you supposed to get to the other levels?"

I glance over at Buzzsaw, "Other levels?" I'd figured there's be multiple levels, but what with how short this room is compared to the hallway there are going to be quite a few levels.

Rumble rubs his hands together, "Hopefully those'll be more exciting!"

I look forwards again in time to see Frenzy poking a large, protruding rectangular section of the wall I hadn't noticed before. "Where's the damn button?" He growls, poking getting a little more violent as he fails to do whatever it is he thinks he's doing.

Buzzsaw sighs, "It's voice activated."

Frenzy glares over at Buzzsaw, "That's stupid. Nothing else in this _entire base _is voice activated! Why is Sheila's elevator?"

Rumble walks over, "Maybe because everything else has a really, really long code instead?"

Buzzsaw nudges me with a wing, "It'll only open for you."

I stumble forwards, and make my way to the side of the room to Frenzy and Rumble. "What do I say?"

A panel opens up to reveal a small screen. It's blank. "Please state the password." A pattern appears on the screen as the voice sounds around the large empty room.

I glance back at Buzzsaw, "Password?"

The monotone male voice sounds again, "Password accepted."

A door slides open to reveal an elevator that seems just big enough to fit all four of us at once.

Frenzy looks amused, "The password is _password?" _

Buzzsaw sighs, "Apparently."

We all squeeze into the elevator, and I look around. It's just a big metal box. Rumble and Frenzy are pressed against the back and sides, I'm stuck under/between them, and Buzzsaw is in the front.

Then the voice sounds again. "To which floor would you like to go?"

Rumble looks at Buzzsaw, "How many floors are there?"

Buzzsaw just shrugs, and I sigh. Might as well do this in a logical fashion, "Level two please."

Frenzy snorts, "Why'd you say please?"

I look up at him, "It's polite."

Elevator music starts playing, and the elevator lurches as we start moving.

He stares at me, "What's your point?"

Buzzsaw mutters something that sounds like 'impolite barbarian,' and Frenzy does his best to kick Buzzsaw in the small space.

The doors open to reveal a room that's considerably smaller than the one below. There's a human sized couch in it facing the opposite wall, and said wall looks unusually shiny.

There are four doors, two on each side of the room, and Buzzsaw squeezes out the elevator doors into the room just as the elevator music stops playing.

I follow, and Frenzy brushes past me to the far shiny wall, Rumble right behind him.

I walk over to the couch and flop down onto it gracelessly. I didn't realize how sore my feet were until I got off them. Must have been all that walking.

Rumble gently touches the shiny wall, "It's a touch screen!"

I look over at him, "A what?"

Frenzy puts his hands on his hips, "If this thing is voice activated to I swear to Primus I'll-"

"Would you like to activate the touch screen?"

Frenzy growls as the voice comes on again, and I can't help but laugh a bit. Rumble grins back at me before turning slyly to Frenzy, "Hey Frenz, guess what the touch screen is?"

Frenzy snarls, "Mute it _Rummy."_

A male figure materializes in front of the couch, and I squeak and draw back a bit. Buzzsaw peers at the figure over the back of the couch, "It's an AI."

I look up at Buzzsaw, "A what?"

Frenzy trots over, "Artificial Intelligence."

I stare at the figure, and he stares right back. "Would you like to activate the touch screen?"

I nod slowly, "Sure."

He disappears quietly, and the shiny wall lights up. "What would you like to view?"

Rumble steps back from the screen before turning to me, "You said you wanted to know everyone, kind of. You could look at their profiles."

I look back at the screen and slowly sit up, ducking under Buzzsaw's head. "Sure, umm, AI guy? Can I see the Decepticon profiles?"

The AI answers promptly, "You may view general profiles. Anything more detailed is locked down and requires access codes."

Frenzy smirks, "We have those."

Buzzsaw snorts, "You're not supposed to."

I ignore them with growing ease, "Okay."

Multiple headshots appear on the screen, and each has the name of the Decepticon below it (thankfully in English).

I groan and stand up, walking forwards to look at all the Decepticons I'm going to have to teach to swim.

There are a lot of them, to put it lightly.

The AI materializes beside me, and Rumble glares at him over my head.

I look over at the AI, "Do you have a name?"

He looks blankly at me, "No. I do not need one."

I stare at him, and realize that he's slightly transparent. "What about Shade?"

Frenzy scoffs from his stolen spot on my couch, "Shade?"

I nod, "I read a book once where shade was an alternative term for ghost."

Buzzsaw slowly wanders around to stand behind Shade, "That does not answer the question."

I look through Shade to Buzzsaw with a smile, "Ghosts are transparent, and so is he," I gesture to Shade's form, "why _not _Shade?"

Rumble leans carefully on my shoulders and peers at Shade, "I could install some personality programming in him if you want."

Frenzy sneers, "Why would she need an AI with a personality when she has _us?"_

Buzzsaw gives him a _look, _"Because we can't always be here? Because we have other things to do that don't involve fawning over Sheila?"

Rumble grins and looks down at me, giving Buzzsaw a furtive glance and faux whispering behind a hand, "He said your name! That means he _likes _you! You can expect some fawning in the future, even if it is Buzzsaw's special brand of it."

Buzzsaw grumbles, and glares quite viciously, but doesn't assault Rumble, something I'm very grateful for seeing as I'm standing between the two.

Shade simply stares, and I glance up to see Rumble staring intently back.

I laugh quietly, "Neither of you can blink."

Rumble doesn't flinch, "Not the point."

I look back at Shade, "Do you mind if I call you Shade?"

Shade glances at me, "Negative."

Rumble growls, "He looked away. Does that mean I win?"

Frenzy leans back and stretches out, his too-large-body dangling carelessly over the sides of the couch, "No, he has to _blink _for you to win."

Rumble mutters something uncomplimentary, but continues to stare at Shade.

Shade hold his gaze, unconcerned by its intensity, with unsurprising ease.

Frenzy flaps a hand to get my attention, and I turn as well as I can to look at him with Rumble still leaning on me, "Yeah?"

He glances pointedly at Shade, "What kind of personality do you want him to have?"

I pause in surprise, "You wouldn't mind? You were rather against it a moment ago."

Frenzy shrugs, "Buzzsaw was right about us not being around all the time. That, and you'll need someone to help you out, and it'd be nice if that someone was at least half-decent company."

I nod and think over the offer. What kind of personality do I like?

More importantly, what kind of personality can I tolerate for long periods of time?

Buzzsaw wanders back over to the couch and promptly sits on Frenzy, much to his surprise if his rather undignified squawk is anything to go by. "We could install a free-forming personality. It would allow it to develop as it learned and not have any pre-programmed inclinations that a base personality program would be prone to."

Frenzy flails about not-so-discreetly before slumping in defeat, "Why are you so fragging _heavy _Buzzsaw? Aren't you a bird? I thought birds were light so they could fly."

Buzzsaw reaches down and pecks Frenzy's arm, "Exactly what are you implying, Frenzy?"

Rumble sighs and gently rests his head on top of mine, "Not this again."

Frenzy pauses, and it's clear he has no idea what he could be implying, "Ummm…"

Buzzsaw growls, "You said I'm fat."

I look up at Rumble, and grins down at me, "He's touchy about his weight for some reason."

Frenzy sounds very worried, "I didn't say you were fat! I said you're heavy! Besides, we're not organic! It's not _possible _for us to be fat!"

Buzzsaw pauses, and then settles himself more comfortably on top of Frenzy, "Well, as long as you don't mind," he purrs.

Frenzy sighs, "No, I don't mind."

Rumble snickers, and I can't help but smile.

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**[Laserbeak]**

Poor, poor Prowl. I can tell he's getting increasingly frustrated with the lack of obvious Decepticon activity in the area Thundercracker took Rumble and Buzzsaw.

I can also tell that he is so focused on his work that he doesn't realize Ratchet is heading his way.

I smile fondly, knowing nobody will be able to see it. Ratchet is, after Bluestreak, one of my favourite Autobots. He can talk down most Cybertronians, and is an incredibly skilled medic (far more so than Hook, but I don't plan on ever telling either of them that).

The door to Prowl's office chime's quietly, and I just know that Ratchet is only chiming to put Prowl off guard.

Prowl looks up tiredly and takes a moment to compose himself, even though it just makes his exhaustion more obvious.

The door opens at Prowl's silent command, and Ratchet strides in.

This is going to be _good._

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**[Rumble]**

The AI (Shade, Sheila decided to call it Shade) is still staring at me.

I don't like it. It's like what everyone thinks Soundwave is, except worse, because I know that this being (if and AI counts as a being, I'm not sure) has no personality whatsoever, while Soundwave does. Soundwave just shows it in his own way, and only to those he trusts.

Frenzy sends me a basic outline for a free-forming personality, and I glance down at Sheila. She's leaning back against me and looks very tired. I guess she did do a lot of driving and very little sleeping these last few days.

I make a few changes to the A-Shade's new personality so that he'll be able to quickly and easily hide his emotions if he wants to, without creating a withdrawn personality. Can't have the other 'Cons thinking we're being _that_ nice to a mere _human_, no matter how vital to Megatron's plan she may be.

"Maybe we should continue to explore?" I say quietly, wondering if Sheila will be able to stay awake for that long, and Shade's hologram dissipates.

I look at the spot incredulously for a moment before grinning, "I won the staring contest!"

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**[Frenzy]**

For all that Buzzsaw says he's not fat, I'm sure if he were organic he would be. He's _really _heavy.

The Rumble suggests we keep exploring, and I sigh in relief as Buzzsaw gets his fat (but not technically _fat) _aft off of me.

I wonder why Buzzsaw and Rumble seem to like the human so much. Yeah, she's nice, but she's also very capable of being cruel. Just look at what she did to her hair!

I know it's not alive, but I've never been very fond of that human ritual. Voluntary self-mutilation is creepy no matter how you look at it, and she apparently _paid _someone to do it!

Anyways, I'm sure they'll stop it once she gets settled in with Shade, especially once we install his new free-forming personality. Then she won't need us, and those two can stop being so fragging sappy.

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**[Laserbeak]**

Prowls in the medbay.

In medical stasis.

Jazz can't stop laughing, for some reason.

Autobots are _weird._

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**[Sheila]**

There are _so many rooms._

On the second level was the room with the touch screen, and then the two doors to the left lead into storage rooms, and the doors to the right lead to empty rooms Shade said were for any swimming gear I might need.

Basically more storage rooms.

The third floor was half kitchen, and half food storage (So. Much. Storage.) The food room was empty, but apparently I would be allowed to go shopping to fill it tomorrow.

That unfortunately meant a day without food or water, until we got to the fourth floor where Buzzsaw had put my survival bag. He'd apparently had it in something called a sub-space pocket, which is basically a magic pocket that you can put stuff in without all the bothersome issues of a normal pocket.

You know, like that whole taking up _physical space _thing.

I think it's called sub-space becuase it's like you _sub_tract the physical _space _that your item(s) occupy.

Or something.

Maybe.

On the fourth floor was a central room, much like the second, except there were more couches (they were all very comfy). There were two rooms on the left, a bathroom and a little future library, future as in yet to actually have books that would make it a real library. On the right was a bedroom, and while the bed may not have been very fancy, it was _so soft _and_cushy. _There were even sheet and blankets, though I had to put them on.

All things considered, it was definitely not a hardship.

I can't believe that so much work has gone into making my living area.

I asked Rumble how they got everything in here, and he said that the Constructicons made each level, starting from the bottom one and working up, and assembled it so that it could be installed with the storage room door open. The original door can no longer open, only the little human one can.

That is definitely a relief, since waking up to a giant face peering down at you where your wall used to be would be a terrifying experience I have no desire to live through.

I kicked everyone out (politely), saying I needed to sleep.

Honestly, I just needed some time for myself. I need to really work through what's happening.

This isn't a dream.

I live in a house that, if my guestimations were correct, is at least 12 meters tall.

Around 40 feet.

That means the storage room door is 40 feet tall, and it's a bit shorter than the hallway.

This _isn't _a dream. I really do live in a house that is actually a storage closet, and the hallway outside really is over 40 feet tall. The beings that I now live with are from another planet and can turn into vehicles.

And I'm teaching them how to _swim._

* * *

Thoughts?

Sorry for those of you that like scheduled updates, I have always been sporadic at best. I will upload chapters as they are written! Hopefully one (or more) per month. I doubt any chapters will be as long as chapter 3, but they should be longer than the first two from now on.


	5. First Swim

_[3325]_

When I said I'd update every month, I meant every calendar month XD

**[PoV Char]**

-.-.-.-.- = PoV change

* * *

**[Sheila]**

Have you ever taken a moment to stop and think about what you're doing with your life? And then after said pause become deeply disturbed by the things you've done?

Me neither.

I'm not exactly disturbed by the things I've done, I'm simply confused.

Very. Very confused.

At no point in my rather short life did I expect to see a swimming "pool" bigger than a football field, much less swim in one.

Much less _teach _in one.

I cannot see the bottom of the pool (there are very few lights down there), and the opposite side of it is ridiculously far away. This _pool_ is bigger than some of the _lakes _I've swam in.

I can't even see the ceiling, despite lights ringing the cavern walls. I don't want to know what could be hiding up there.

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**[Rumble]**

Sheila looks shocked by the size of our pool.

Completely understandably, really. Having been on Cybertron I've seen structures actually meant to hold beings as big as Omega class frames, so this pool isn't all _that _big by those standards. But by human standards? The pool is freakishly large.

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**[Buzzsaw]**

Rumble and Sheila are idiots.

I mean really, we're supposed to be making sure that Sheila feels like she can teach in such a large pool of water, and while the blank, shocked look isn't exactly what we were hoping for, we need to move on.

I carefully nudge her, and she gently pats my head in a very insulting fashion (if it were anyone other than Sheila, it'd be _intentionally_ insulting, knowing her it's decidedly not), "Just a sec Buzzer, this is a lot to take in."

I sigh and go back to staring out at the small lake we made, it's not _that _interesting.

All we did was expand on a cave we'd found and dig a pit big enough to fit Astrotrain and Blitzwing at the same time with room for a bit of movement, then fill it with water.

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**[Laserbeak]**

Prowl's still in the medbay.

It was funny at first, and while the little bits of graffiti that started popping up were equally amusing to begin with, the sheer _brightness _that is the Ark's orange when combined with the horrendous colours the twins are using?

Painful, to say the least.

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**[Sheila]**

Buzzsaw just gave me a little breather thing.

That's the best description I can come up with, little breather thing.

It's like a whole S.C.U.B.A. unit, minus the weights, in one little thing that I can fit into my mouth and over my nose.

I look down at the eerie black water, and before Buzzsaw and Rumble can figure out what I'm doing, I takeoff my shoes and pants, I put the breather into my mouth and over my nose, and jump in the water.

The shock of the cold water has me gasping for air, and I calm down once I realize the breather is working.

I look around at the seemingly endless dark water stretching out in all directions, then up as the bubbles that appear when I exhale race towards the surface. I start kicking, slowly following them up the few feet to the surface.

Buzzsaw shrieks at me as soon as I surface, and I look up at him calmly, feeling far more relaxed now that I'm in my element. He quiets down and glares at me, and Rumble steps forwards, "Uh, Sheila? Next time, a little warning would be nice."

I frown, glide over to the edge, and gently take the breather out, "Why?"

Rumble glances nervously at Buzzsaw when he snarls, "Because we're supposed to keep an optic on you, and we can't do that if you suddenly decide to jump into a pool of water we'd sink to the bottom of if we tried to follow."

I nod, "Okay, but can I swim a bit more? It's really cold, but after not doing much activity for the last few days it's _really _nice to be moving around again."

Buzzsaw growls, "You were moving around when you were walking through the base."

I gently push off the wall and start treading water to warm up a bit, "Yes, but that' not _swimming." _The duo looks at me in confusion, and I sigh quietly, wondering how I can explain my love of swimming. "I love swimming, I've been in the water since before I could sit up on my own. Walking and running and all that land stuff is nice, but it's not something that I _enjoy. _Not like swimming."

Rumble gives me an odd look, but surprisingly it's Buzzsaw that seems to understand the most. "Fine," he huffs, "that's a bit like me and flying, I suppose." He glares, "You can swim, but if you start to drown you're on your own."

I smile gratefully at him, "Thanks."

I turn around and slide under the surface, let's see how well this breather works.

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**[Rumble]**

It's strange, watching Sheila swim. She has an eerie grace that is absent when she's on land. At one point she disappears under the water, and doesn't come up for a long time. I know that with the re-breather Hook and Starscream (somewhat unwillingly) made for her that she'll be fine, and with the serum we injected her with before bringing her down here (to keep her from having trouble with the water pressure) that she is unaffected by what should be crippling depths.

I still worry, for some reason.

When she comes up again she swims over to where Buzzsaw and I are sitting with a look of excitement, "I touched the bottom," she says once she's removed the re-breather.

Buzzsaw sighs, "The bottom is 100 meters down, there's no way you could have-"

Sheila drops a rock as big as her hand onto the area we're sitting on with a smirk, "Gotten this?"

Buzzsaw look between Sheila and the rock, "You can't swim _that _fast."

Sheila shrugs, "I used the wall on the way down. It's got lots of hand-holds."

Buzzsaw grumbles, but I can tell he's impressed.

Something I'm definitely going to remember.

A _human _just impressed _Buzzsaw._

Sheila grins and pushes off, her legs moving in strange circles that seem to keep her afloat. "It's called eggbeater," she says, and I look at her in confusion. That makes absolutely no sense!

"Eggbeater? But... there are no eggs here." I look at Buzzsaw for help, but he just shrugs. It seems this magical 'eggbeater' is a human creation.

She pauses, "Well, it's not the eggs so much as the motion that an eggbeater makes. When people bake they often use eggs, and one method of mixing them is to use an electrical mixer to 'beat' them." Sheila grins at my horrified expression, "The mixer has two little spinning things that move in opposite directions, I think the left one goes clockwise and the right counter clockwise, which is the motion that I'm currently mimicking." She gestures down to her legs, and I absently wonder how she can keep her head out of the water without using her arms. "See? My left leg is moving in a clockwise circle, and my right is moving in a counter clockwise circle." Surprisingly enough, they are. Humans have an amazing range of motion. "The alternating motion means that at no point am I not creating force to keep myself above the water. It's the recommended method of treading water for lifeguards especially. The steady motion makes it the best for carrying people who may be injured."

Buzzsaw stares down at his somewhat stumpy bird legs, "Yeah. Eggbeater. Sounds awesome."

I snicker, and he shoves me into the water with a wing.

I quickly close all my vents as I would were I in space and try to grab onto the wall as I sink, but I can't get a good grip. As I sink, I relax. There's nothing down here that could possibly hurt me, and I can't swim (yet). I eventually hit the bottom, and look up, up, up to where I know the surface is. I wonder how long it will take for me to climb back up there.

A few klicks later I see something crawling down the wall towards me, and cautiously move back towards the center of the mini-lake.

As it gets closer I recognize Sheila, and watch as she quickly reaches the floor. She looks up at me, though how she can see me I'm not too sure. From what I've read about humans they need some kind of eye-gear to see properly underwater. Googles, I think they're called.

She pushes off the wall and easily glides over to me. She swims around me once, and then gestures to the wall. I would sigh if I could, but walk over to the wall.

Sheila glides along next to me, and once I reach the wall she swims down and pushes off from the bottome with her hands, eerily rising above me.

It's kind of freaky, how at ease she is in the water.

As I slowly climb up the wall she flits around me, sometimes shoving off the wall and floating away, sometimes climbing down it back to the bottom and then magically shooting up past me, other times darting past me with surprising speed.

By the time I make it out of the mini-lake I'm quite fed up with being underwater and how it only seems to bother me, and not Sheila

Buzzsaw's sitting a few paces back from the edge of the mini-lake, and when I finally haul myself out he grins. "Have a nice swim?"

I glower at him, "Of course. I love hauling myself 100 meters through water up a cliff when I don't have to."

Sheila surfaces behind me, "How warm is this water?"

Buzzsaw looks at the lake for a moment, "78 degrees Fahrenheit." Sheila stares blankly at him, and he sighs. "Around 25.5 degrees Celsius."

She nods understanding, and dives back underwater.

I groan and lay flat on my back, slowly opening all my vents again, "Organics are so weird."

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**[Sheila]**

It takes a few hours for Buzzsaw and Rumble to get fed up with watching me swim around from the lake-side, and for me to get cold enough to consider getting out. When they finally do get bored enough Buzzsaw waits until I surface, and then grabs me and carries me to the edge.

I glare at him as soon as he's gently dropped my on the ground, "You could have just said you were bored."

Buzzsaw huffs, "What's your point?"

Rumble grins, "So, have you figured out how you're going to teach us to swim? You look pretty fragging good at it yourself."

I sigh and stare out at the massive expanse of water. I'd been trying to forget that part.

"I can't teach you like I teach humans-"

Rumble snorts, "I think we've covered that already."

I glare, "-because you can't touch the bottom."

Buzzsaw hops over to the edge of the pool while keeping a wary optic on Rumble, "Why is that a concern?"

I move to stand next to him, "Because, for humans, most of swimming consists of keeping yourself afloat. In order to get the basics we generally start in a pool where we can touch the bottom, so that if we, by some chance, start to sink, then we can right ourselves and try again by standing up. This massive pool is great for once you guys have the floating part down, because it's big enough for you to get the basics of strokes, but floating basics? You'll sink right to the bottom, and you'll have to do what Rumble did and climb up the side. Then we'll try again, and you'll sink again, and we won't get anywhere."

Buzzsaw considers that, head tilted as he stares out at the mini-lake, "We hadn't considered that."

I give him a tired smile, "I noticed."

Buzzsaw extends his wings, "I'll see if there are any shallow areas I've forgotten about." His tone says he sincerely doubts such places exist here, but I'm grateful he's going to check regardless.

As he soars over the water I recall the footage I've seen almost countless times on TV. "Can't you fly too?"

Rumble snorts, "No. All Decepticons have anti-gravity thrusters. It's completely different."

I turn to look at Rumble, "Do they work underwater?"

He goes to say something (probably a resounding "no") before pausing and staring at the water. "Only one way to find out," he eventually says in painfully cheerful way.

I step back as he carefully floats above the ground, and slowly moves over the lake. He ever so gently lowers himself to the water, and then his feet touch the surface.

Nothing happens.

He keeps floating!

Rumble laughs, and goes down some more so that his feet are completely submerged.

I grin, "This makes everything _so _much easier!"

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**[Laserbeak]**

Prowl's finally up again, though not in his office. Ratchet locked him out.

Of course, that doesn't mean he's not still planning, it just means that he's planning less terrifying things.

It also means that Jazz is with him to make sure he's not "working."

How speculating about what Thundercracker was doing in south west Canada doesn't count as work is beyond me.

Jazz is, surprisingly, convinced that their presence is related to Sheila's disappearance. Prowl is decidedly less so. He's still hung up on the whole "lacking a reasonable motive" thing.

Considering the actual motive is "so she can teach the Elite Decepticons to swim" I doubt he'll ever consider that a reasonable motive, and thus never take the option seriously.

For once, the obscene ridiculousness of one of Megatron's plans is a good thing.

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**[Prowl]**

"I just don't understand how you can link the disappearance of a young woman to the Decepticon's presence Jazz! There is no logical connection between the two! She's a _Junior Lifeguard _for Primus' sake! There is nothing she could possibly have to offer the Decepticon cause unless they wish to learn to swim!"

Jazz grins that annoyingly smug grin of his, "Bingo."

I stare at him blankly, the memory of a week ago coming reluctantly to mind. The Decepticons were, by all accounts, trying to swim.

I sigh and stare at Jazz, "That is utterly ridiculous."

Jazz nods, "Ya know what else is ridiculous?"

I have no doubt my grimace is clearly seen, and yet Jazz persists on grinning, "I have faith in your ability to enlighten me, Jazz; whether I wish to be enlightened or not."

He leans forwards, and with a surprisingly straight face says, "The shape of Megatron's helmet."

My helm connects with my desk, "And here I was hoping you'd say something relevant, like 'me'*."

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**[Laserbeak]**

They can't have just figured it out! No fragging way!

The fact that Megatron's helmet is shaped a bit like a bucket has nothing to do with the validity of Jazz's theory!

So what it's not so much a theory as fact, _the Autobots shouldn't have been able to figure that out!_

It's too ludicrous! Too completely and utterly ridiculous!

Should I warn the Decepticons?

No, I'll wait. Let's see what _else _Jazz can come up with. Perhaps he'll devise a plan to steal Sheila from us.

I wonder who she'd side with. Us, or the Autobots.

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**[Buzzsaw]**

Something's wrong. Laserbeak is irritated.

That never bodes well for us, especially when she's stationed on the Ark.

I fly back to where Sheila and Rumble are waiting, near the entrance, and see Rumble shoulders deep in the water.

He is, by all appearances, floating.

I land gracefully, "I knew you were good at swimming, but I was unaware that such a skill was contagious."

Rumble stares, "Was that a joke?"

I look down at him, "No."

He rolls his optics, "Whatever."

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**[Laserbeak]**

One of the benefits of having completely (and yet somehow still not _winning_) troops is we're too fast for the Autobots to track to our base, and Soundwave catches any bugs before they can alert the Autobots to our whereabouts.

Doesn't mean Jazz and Prowl aren't trying to stage a rescue mission on a base they don't know anything about. They're actually doing a really good job.

It's scary, really.

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**[Shade]**

The swimming cavern is out of my range, and yet Master Soundwave told me to "Retrieve. Sheila."

How inconvenient.

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**[Sheila]**

I look around and see no loose rocks on the ground, yet I could swear one just hit me in the back of the head.

Rumble notices my searching, and starts looking around too, even though he has no idea _why._

Another one hits me, and I turn back to the entrance into the mini-lake.

Shade is standing on the base side of the entryway, "Sheila, Master Soundwave requests your presence."

I shrug, put on my discarded shoes and pants (my impromptu swim suit has thankfully/finally dried so it's safe to do so**), and walk over. He looks irritated, but I think it's a good thing. Irritation is a sign of personality! That means the personality thingy Rumble and Frenzy installed is working!

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**[Ravage]**

I cannot believe Soundwave sent _me _down to retrieve an _organic. _

I have far better things to be doing than tracking down Megatron's latest pet project!

Surprisingly, I find then on their painfully slow way back to Sheila's closet. Seems I wasn't necessary after all, oh well. The AI did his job.

I abruptly turn a corner and race off (gracefully, if I do say so myself), no need to hang around where I'm not needed.

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**[Sheila]**

"I just- was that a-?"

Rumble smirks, "Giant cat?" I manage to nod, and his smirk gets bigger, "Yup, that was Ravage. Our eldest sister."

I stare, ruthlessly shoving away images of what it might take to _make_ a sister (I refuse to even _wonder _about this mysterious _interfacing)_, and slowly start walking again. "A cat though? Cats are _cute!"_

Rumble snorts, and I hear a screech of metal on metal coming from the hall I think Ravage went down, and suddenly there's a giant cat with dark red eyes stalking towards me.

It looks very, _very _angry.

"Let's get something straight, human," and she sounds very angry too, "I am not, by _any _definition, _cute. _If you ever call me cute again I will make you regret it."

I hold my hands up in surrender and nod, "Yup, got it. No cuteness."

Ravage growls at me and stands _right in front of me, _so close I have to look almost straight up to see the furious fiery eyes that are glowering down at me, "For your sake, human, I sincerely hope you _get_ _it_."

Then Ravage whirls around, scraping my cheek with a very hard (yet surprisingly flexible) tail, and slinks away at remarkable speed.

I touch my cheek, and my fingers come away red. I shoot a worried look at Rumble, "_That's _your sister?"

He sighs dramatically, "I know what you're thinking. Obviously I'm the one who got the good looks and charm."

* * *

Sorry this chapter's a little short, and that it took so long. It was not cooperating with me.

Thoughts?

*'Me" refers to Jazz. Prowl was hoping Jazz would admit to his ridiculousness.

**"Safe" meaning she won't get her pants and/or shoes wet.


	6. A Small Problem I

_[4370]_

This chapter has a great deal of plot, and thus some less-than-funny moments interspersed with the funny ones.

**[PoV Char]**

-.-.-.- = change in PoV

* * *

**[Sheila]**

"Rumble and Buzzsaw will be escorting you out of our base. You have found a way to keep us from sinking and your services are no longer necessary." Megatron looks thoughtfully down at me, "You managed that remarkably quickly."

"But-" I look way up at Megatron, not entirely sure _why _I find myself protesting this sudden decision so much, "-I haven't actually taught anyone to swim!"

He tilts his massive head, "Oh really?"

I nod, "Yeah, I've just figure out how to make you not-sink. It's completely different."

He scoffs, "How so?"

I pause, "It's like... saying you're going to teach someone how to walk... and then giving them a walker. Yeah, they can walk, but they can't do it on their own, and they can't actually walk very well. All they can really do is stand up and shuffle forwards. The anti-gravity thrusters are like the walker. Sure they help you not-sink, but in terms of actually swimming? They don't do very much."

Megatron pauses, and right as he's about to say something Starscream strides in. "I hear you are _finally," _I wince at the outstandingly disdainful glare sent my way, "getting rid of Rumble's _pet." _

Megatron looks at Starscream scornfully, "Actually, she has come up with a surprisingly convincing argument that will allow for her continued residence here."

Starscream comes to a halt next to me, and I try not to imagine all the ways that his gigantic heel could crush me. "Oh really," He sneers, "an exactly how did the human manage to convince you of her importance to our cause oh _mighty_ Megatron?"

Megatron slowly stands and walks forwards until he's directly in front of Starscream, "By using her intelligence and thinking before she spoke, something you could stand to do a little more often."

Starscream hikes up his wings and does his best to loom over Megatron, "As if something a mere human says could _possibly_ compete intelligence-wise with anything _I_ come up with." Starscream looks haughtily down at me, "I could come up with more intelligent statements than that creature while I recharge!"

Megatrn snorts and looks down at me before turning and ambling back to his throne, "Of that I have no doubt, Starscream." Starscream looks at Megatron in confusion, then fury as Megatron continues. "_However_, your lack of intelligence when it comes to actually sharing your ideas is where one of you many issues lie. The human, "Megatron turns and gestures at me, "may not ever come close to possessing even a fraction of a _sparkling's_ intelligence, but her intuition and respect in the presence of her superiors is an asset that you do not have. Additionally, her limited knowledge provides her with a simpler way of looking at things that may yet prove beneficial to our cause."

Starscream stiffens and glares down at me, looking like he would gladly pay a great deal for the opportunity to crush me without the fear of retribution, but he eventually whirls about and stalks away. Even with my limited experience here I can tell he's beyond furious.

As soon as the door slide shut behind him Megatron sighs and slowly sinks back down onto his throne with a world weary aura. I want to thank him, but since I'm rather sure that the whole argument was about how my ability to know when to speak outweighing my lack of intelligence I find myself remaining firmly silent. Additionally, I'm pretty sure that having a fraction of a sparkling's intelligence is an insult, and the fact that I don't even know what a sparkling is reinforces that fact.

Megatron looks down at me, "You may stay, Sheila, until the Decepticons are capable of swimming." I look up at him gratefully, and he smirks, "Please keep me informed of your progress, and feel free to quiz Rumble on the meanings of the numerous insults and curse words you will undoubtedly hear. I'm sure that you will find your teachings as educational for you as they will be for my soldiers."

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**[Laserbeak]**

Okay, I really should warn the Decepticons, but watching Prowl and Jazz work is scary amazing. They've come up with a whole plan to save Sheila, and it's fairly solid too.

Now they're leaving, probably to go tell Prime, and I head towards the Ark's entrance so I can send a data-file with all the information I've gathered. I have to get outside their digital security web, otherwise I'll be detected. I glance back in the direction of Prowl's room, as much as I'd love to mess with their plans, the room undoubtedly has a frag-ton of security and I'm not going to risk it.

Megatron's _not _going to like this.

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**[Sheila]**

I groan and flop onto my bed. I really need to figure out a way to get around quicker that doesn't involve lots of running.

Shade pixelates into visibility, "I'm guessing you convinced him to let you stay?"

I drag myself into a sitting position with a small grin for the AI whose rapidly evolving personality makes for some wonderfully humorous moments, "Yeah, I did. Pissed off Starscream at the same time too. Again." I look mournfully at Shade, "Why does the second highest ranked guy here hate me so much? I haven't _done _anything to him!" I flop forwards over my crossed legs, "He makes no sense."

The door hisses quietly as it slides open, "Who doesn't make sense? And how are you that flexible?"

I smirk and sit up again, turning to look at the tall figure in the doorway, "Starscream, and lots of stretching."

He scoffs, "Starscream has _never _made sense, and exactly how much stretching?"

Shade sighs and falls onto my bed, his form failing to ruffle even the sheets, "Why is stretching relevant to anything?"

Rumble snickers, "Just because you _can't _stretch doesn't mean it can't be an interesting topic, or a relevant one."

A glower answers that response, but Rumble keeps on smirking. Then Rumble turns to me, "So you're staying."

I nod, "Seems that way, yeah."

He looks around my bedroom, "So... what now?"

I look up at him hopefully, "Procrastinating?"

He gives me a look. "Not a chance."

I slide off my bed into a heap on the floor before hauling myself up, "Studying then."

Rumble whirls around, "That sounds like work, I'm out."

I stare after him with no little amount of jealously, "Lucky you."

Shade flickers into existence in front of me as I walk out of my room into the living room, "Studying Decepticon profiles?"

I nod and head straight for the touch-wall. "Yeah, can you bring them up?"

Shade nods, and dims for a fraction of a second before the wall is filled with profiles and headshots. "Can you put them in their sub-groups?"

Shade stares, "Which sub-groups? Functional? Social? Frame-type? Ranked?"

I twitch before staring at the numerous profiles with a growing sense of resignation. Sure, I'd glanced over them before, but had never actually put an effort into learning about everyone. "How about... social. Or at least, who hangs out with who the most. I'm not sure if the gestalt thing Rumble mentioned counts as a social group since they're actually linked together... somehow."

Shade sighs, "How about I teach you about basic Cybertronian social structures first?"

I hesitate, staring at the numerous faces I'm going to have to learn, before turning to Shade, "Sure, but try to keep it simple would you? I am only human."

He scowls, "Simple. Right."

I walk back to the couch and settle down on it, "I get the feeling this is going to take a while."

Shade flickers resignedly, "Yeah, it is."

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**[Buzzsaw]**

Laserbeak is worried _and _irritated now. This does not bode well.

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**[Soundwave]**

Such strong feelings from Laserbeak are not a good sign. What could the Autobots possibly be up to?

[Soundwave]: Laserbeak. Status?:

Laserbeak focuses on me, her worry leaking through our bond.

[Laserbeak]: The Autobots are planning a rescue mission. Jazz and Prowl suspect us of kidnapping Sheila, and have come up with a pretty good plan.:

I stare at the monitor in front of me, grateful my battle mask and visor hide my expression from the others. Such a public display of worry would not be acceptable.

[Soundwave]: What is the Autobot's ETA?:

I can feel Laserbeak's unease with the whole situation.

[Laserbeak]: Prowl and Jazz are talking to Prime now, and knowing the Prime there's no way he'll refuse this.:

I sigh silently, Megatron is _not _going to be pleased. Especially since Sheila _just _convinced him to let her stay longer.

We need to get her out of the base, at least while the Autobots are attacking.

[Laserbeak]: You'd better be careful. I'm sending you what I saw of their plan, but it's a stealth mission, Soundwave. Not a full out assault. You're going to have to be extra careful around the base.:

A small smile graces my faceplates. Primus bless my creations for caring so much about me.

[Soundwave]: Laserbeak. Worry not. Soundwave. Has many skills unknown to Autobots. Soundwave. Will stay safe. Soundwave. Will keep creations safe.:

I can feel Laserbeak's resigned acceptance of my words, knowing she won't be able to be _here _to help keep us safe.

[Laserbeak]: Yeah, I know. You always have. I just worry.:

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**[Buzzsaw]**

Soundwave told us about the Autobot's pending attack.

Surprisingly, it was Rumble who came up with a way to get Sheila out of the base for a while.

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**[Sheila]**

"Before you start training my soldiers you will need to prove yourself worthy."

I twitch and look up at Megatron. This is not what I was expecting. He said I could teach, and now he's making me prove myself? What does that even mean? Isn't having to learn about everyone and come up with a lesson plan trying enough?

"How am I to accomplish that?"

Megatron smirks, "You will befriend the Autobot's humans, and use them to learn all you can about our enemies."

Oh dear. I pause and mentally go over what little I know about the Autobot's friends. There's a boy? I think? And a parent of his... a mother? No. Father. And they have really weird last names. Wickity? Witty? Witwickity? No matter. It's long and starts with a 'W.'

I sincerely doubt I'll be able to befriend him, we have absolutely nothing in common (other than our Cybertronian friends) except a current lack of a maternal figure, and that's really not a good way to start a conversation. "Hey! I noticed you don't have a mom, well guess what? Mine died in a car accident not too long ago! Wanna be friends?"

Like that'll happen.

Maybe he has a girlfriend?

That may... possibly... eventually... work. Maybe.

I look respectfully up at Megatron, "An how will my worthiness be determined?"

He looks thoughtfully down at me, "I will call you back when I believe you are worthy."

Internally I grimace. That was _so _helpful.

Instead I give him a shallow bow, and he waves a massive hand in dismissal.

Now, instead of planning swimming lessons and learning Decepticon profiles, I'm planning an infiltration for an undetermined length of time.  
Awesome.

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**[Frenzy]**

Primus, I can't believe the next phase of our plan is relying on Rumble's _acting _skills.

He seems strangely reluctant to deceive Sheila, but I don't see why. _He_ is the one who came up with the plan in the first place.

Besides, it'll keep her nice and safe.

Additionally, the Autobots would never look for a human _we _kidnapped so close to _their _base.

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**[Sheila]**

"He wants you to _what?"_ I sigh and shove another shirt into my duffle bag, the exact same one that held these very same clothes just a few days ago. I wish I'd known I'd be doing this before I unpacked everything.

"Infiltrate the Autobots via one of their humans."

Rumble hovers nervously, and Shade frowns at him, then at me, "You will be leaving me here then?"

I wince and look over my shoulder at Shade, "Yeah, I can't really bring you with me. If an Autobot sees you then I'm screwed."

Shade scowls, "Screws have nothing to do with this ridiculous adventure," I give him a look, and he sighs, "though I do see your point." He glances resentfully back at Rumble, "I will miss your sanity, Sheila."

I snicker as Rumble glares, "I bet you will." I sigh and sit down on my bed, "Trust me when I say I'd love to bring you. You'd be beyond helpful, and nice company to boot."

Rumble pouts, "And I'm not."

"Not sane? I think we can all agree on _that," _Shade mutters.

Rumble ignores him, "Do you have _any _kind of plan? At all?"

I shrug, "I'll stay here for a while longer and read up on what you guys know about the Autobots and their humans before leaving. I might need you to make me a new identity, since by now someone will have noticed I'm missing and a mysterious reappearance would be suspicious."

Rumble grins, "I can do that. What would you like your name to be? Oh! An you should have a code name!"

I pause, "The code name sounds cool."

Shade interjects, "You will likely require a change in appearance as well. While it is doubtful that news of a missing person from British Columbia would make it all the way to Oregon, it is possible."

I run a hand through my hair, "Maybe a wig and contacts? And what the heck would be a good code name?"

Rumble snorts, "We don't have any contacts, that's why you're going in. As to your code name... something you'd understand, but that it would be very difficult for anyone else to."

I stare in confusion until Shade sighs, "Not information contacts, Rumble. Eye contacts to change the apparent colour of her irises."

I smile as comprehension dawns, and Rumble looks at me, "That makes sense, and any ideas about your names? Code or otherwise?"

I nod and glance at my almost-packed bag, going over the name that just seems to fit and makes for a code name that fits Rumble's criteria. "Specs. My code name should be Specs."

Rumble stares, "Uh... why Specks?"

I grin, "Not specks, s-p-e-c-k-s; Specs, S-p-e-c-s. If anyone really asks I can say it's because my favourite word is spectacles."

Rumble looks at me curiously, "And is it?"

I give him a _look, _"Does it matter?"

He glares, and I know that he desperately wants to ask, but somehow contains his curiosity.

I hold up another shirt, and put it right back down; it can wait a bit, right now I need to start studying. Again. I walk into the living room and activate the touch-wall. Rumble follows, and Shade reappears next to me. He flickers slightly and all the Autobots' files come up, listed in according to their rank and function. There are so many of them. It looks like there are even more Autobots than there are Decepticons. I sigh as Rumble comes to stand behind me, presumably to offer snide comments about certain Autobots, "This may take a while."

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**[Breakdown]**

I'm supposed to take Sheila back to the secret entrance.

She was so nice the first time, maybe she'll be nice again.

If she's not nice I am bigger than her.

_I _am bigger than _her._

She can't hurt me. No. No hurting. Not from her. Mostormaster yes. Megatron yes. Shockwave yes.

Sheila? No.

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**[Sheila]**

Breakdown's so nice. He's still terrified of me, but he's not quite _as _terrified of me. When we do talk (and we do occasionally talk because "silence is scary") we discuss ways to set up traps that will catch anyone trying to hurt us.

I actually learn a lot.

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**[Prowl]**

I always avoided long road-trips with Jazz for a reason.

I am, unfortunately, being reminded of that reason.

He hums. He sings. He even _bounces_. If it's in time with that damnable music he insists on playing, he does it.

He is driving me _insane._

Mirage, Hound, and Bumblebee seem to have no problem ignoring him. Bumblebee even joins in sometimes.

We're heading to the east coast of North America, because the one thing we know for sure is that the Decepticon's base is submerged somewhere along there. It's where the sightings are most common.

We should search the area systematically, starting with the area with the most sightings. That would be-

-did Jazz just nudge my rear bumper?

"Hey Mono!"

Yes. Yes he did.

"My designation is not _mono, _Jazz. Mono is short for Mononucleosis, a potentially harmful virus."

Jazz pauses, "Well, no need to get testy Prowl. I was just calling you that because of your paint job!"

That explanation was incredibly useless.

"My paintjob."

I can _hear _his grin, "Yeah. Monochrome. Black and white."

I can't help but sigh, "Be that as it may I must ask that, if you persist with calling me something other than my perfectly functional designation, you come up with something that does not refer to a virus or anything else that may be interpreted as insulting."

I swear Bumblebee, Hound, and Mirage are all laughing at me.

Jazz pauses for a while, and for a few moments his voice is blessedly silent.

Then he speaks, "What about Ecilop?"

Now I know those three are laughing at me.

"How did you come up with _that?"_

Jazz wiggles on the road, a sign of his enthusiasm. "Well, I read somewhere that in Australia and Britain freeway patrol cars have 'police' written backwards on them so they can be read the right way in a rear view mirror."

Another sigh escapes me, "Of course you did."

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**[Sheila]**

I wince as sunlight hits my face for the first time in over a week. I'm now reasonably confident in my ability to befriend Carly Spencer, girlfriend of Spike Witwicky, and ally/friend of the Autobots. Hopefully just making friends will be enough to prove my worthiness, but that's not certain. Who knows how far Megatron will make me go, or how he'll decide when I've proven myself.

I glance at my new driver's license, the name Shiloh Victoria Kent glinting up at me. How Rumble and Frenzy came up with that name I'll never know, but it does have the same initials as my real one. The photo also stands out for me, a woman with red hair and green eyes instead of _my _hazel eyes and dark brown hair stares back at me unflinchingly. I sigh quietly and walk over to my new truck. A grey Toyota 4runner. My eyes linger over the thankfully familiar blue letters and numbers of a British Columbia license plate, beyond happy for the tiny bit of stability I feel upon seeing it. Four numbers and two letters, because it's a truck, with the BC motto standing plainly, yet meaningfully above it. Beautiful British Columbia.

I open the driver's side door and grab the key from under the floor mat, taking a minute to attach it to my new, painfully empty keychain. Rumble wanted to give me one with a little Decepticon symbol attached, but that idea was quickly shot down. Instead I have a little Statue of Liberty dangling proudly from the near-empty ring, to symbolize the east coast and the faction I know lies not too far beyond it.

I pull a map out of my backpack before putting my few bags on the back seat, and hop up into the driver's seat. With a lot of crinkling I get the map unfolded, and plot a way to the nearest big highway. From there I'll just follow the signs to the highway that will take me back to the west coast. I put the keys in the ignition and start the truck, the engine rumbling steadily to life. I look around, and ever so slowly pull out of the empty lot and onto the road.

I think I'll name the truck, just to give myself the illusion of company. I'm already feeling lonely. What should I name it? It can't be too Decepticon-y, but I don't want an ill-fitting, fragile name for my new truck. Something tough, because a four-wheeler named something like Daisy just feels wrong.

Maybe I'll just get a cat.

A white cat, named Cadaverous. I smile sadly as I recall having that conversation with my father. We once joked about getting a white cat and naming it Cadaverous. We always liked planning things that would weird people out.

I sigh quietly, shoving away any memories that will make me sad.

It's going to be a long, lonely drive.

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**[Rumble]**

Now that Sheila's finally gone we can _really _prep the base. Soundwave is working with Starscream, Shockwave, and the Constructicons to make some kind of shielding around the Nemesis.

The Stunticons are checking the outer hull for any possible breaches, and are doing it pretty quickly. Apparently Sheila told Breakdown about being able to use their anti-grav thrusters underwater, and then he told his gestalt, and now they're all happy.

Well, as happy as the Stunticons can be when bonded to someone like Dead End.

The Combaticons are going over internal structures, and cleaning/repairing everything as they go. Apparently Votrex is fairly good at doing repairs, and Brawl has yet to complain about cleaning anything. Onslaught and Blast Off are going over the actual internal structures, because they don't want to clean but have to look busy. I have no idea where Swindle is.

Thundercracker and Skywarp are helping the big three Decepticon S Officers (all their designations start with 's').

The Coneheads are out on patrol, looking for any Autobots nearby. They're going to keep us posted on their position.

My siblings and I get to check the vents for dirt and breaks. Basically, we're doing what the Combaticons are doing, but in the vents because they're too big to fit into them.

It sucks, but the base is looking better than it ever has before.

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**[Sheila]**

I do end up getting a white cat, and while the look I got from the pet store owner when she found out what I had named him was a touch concerned, I didn't care. I have a cat.

A kitten, really. I didn't really pay attention where his breed was concerned, all I know is he's not a Persian or a Siamese cat, and he's really, really soft and fluffy.

My little Cadaverous.

He seems to enjoy sitting in the passenger's seat and sleeping. I have a little bed made for him out of a blanket I bought at the pet store.

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**[Ravage]**

Such work is demeaning for one so powerful as me. _Cleaning. _That's all I'm doing, really. Of course, the job was actually "searching for weaknesses in the ventilation system and preventing any future ones," but considering my siblings and the Reflectors are the only ones who ever use the vents and we all maintain them because they're so valuable to us, it's basically just a lot of cleaning.

Don't want that tiny speck of dirt to cause a cataclysmic structural failure in the future, now do we?

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**[Sheila]**

It's been a long drive. Longer than when I drove with Rumble and Buzzsaw to the east coast, because I actually stopped at night to get a decent amount of sleep. I never stopped at a hotel, I simply slept in the back of my truck. I've taken to calling it Asphalt for some reason. Maybe because I've been seeing so much of it recently. I swear I've been dreaming of driving. I'll get up with the sun, drive until sunset with a few bathroom breaks along the way, and then find a place to park and sleep for the night with dreams of driving. If this is what truck drivers do every day for months on end my respect for them has just skyrocketed.

I eventually make it to Portland, Oregon. Hopefully I'll run into Carly somewhere here. Despite going to MIT near the east coast she met Spike somewhere in Portland with Bumblebee.

Now I just need to find her.

Maybe I should get a job first, to provide a more convincing cover story.

I already got one outlined with the help of Rumble, as well as Frenzy and Buzzsaw. Carly and I went to elementary school together, and while we were in different grades we were kind of friends. Then my family moved, and we never saw each other again, until now, of course. What a coincidence?

Portland is so big. The Greater Vancouver Area, an area of BC that I always dreaded because there were so many people and tall buildings, is much like Portland for me. I already hate it. The huge freeways twist between buildings and far off the ground, roads on top of roads held up only by giant cement pillars. At least in Vancouver the only thing that high up are the Sky Trains.

I eventually find a small, non-pay parking lot and pull into the last empty spot. Tomorrow I'll look for a place to work, somewhere popular where I might see Carly.

Tomorrow.

* * *

Thoughts?

And thanks to _Benny The Crazed Cartoonist _for helping me come up with a better acronym for this story than tsaostdsi. The better acronym being **SASSI.** The **S**trange **A**dventures of **S**heila the Decepticon **S**wim **I**nstructor.


	7. A Small Problem II

_[2616]_

So sorry for the delay. This chapter seriously kicked my aft.

_name: comm talk_

-.-.-.- = PoV Change

**[PoV Char]**

* * *

**[Prowl]  
**I have mixed feelings about the humans and our alliance with them.  
Sometimes they are helpful.  
Sometimes, like now, they are decidedly_ not _helpful_._  
Since my alt-mode is that of a police car I have been unable to go with Jazz and the others to ask the normal population (as well as the more criminally inclined one) about the possible location of the Decepticon base in any of the cities or towns we've been to. Jazz told me that humans are less likely to be relaxed in the presence of an officer of the law, such as that my alt-mode would suggest. That fact, in addition to the fact that the questioners would be Cybertronians and thus considered intimidating on principal alone, would increase the chances of us being lied to. However, Jazz assured me that he would be able to convince the normal population to, as he so eloquently put it, "spill the beans." Therefore I have had to ask the human police forces.  
They have no idea.

None of them have any idea. They cannot recall seeing a single Decepticon, and since they are all somewhat brightly coloured and hard to miss I am, unfortunately, inclined to believe them.  
We finally find a man who claims to have seen them, a disheveled fellow that seems prone to long, embellished tangents. Needless to say, Jazz was hard pressed to get much information out of him. He did, however, learn that there are often rather oddly coloured trios of jets seen coming from a certain area off the coast.  
Mirage, Jazz, and Hound are setting up a few small scanners they "borrowed" from Wheeljack's lab to detect any Cybertronian energy signatures in the area, and are going to start searching the ocean in the area the human mentioned.  
Bumblebee and I are going to keep watch along the shore, and ask about any sightings of the ground-bound Decepticons. They will undoubtedly have a way to get to the base that doesn't involve flying, and we need to find it.

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**[Rumble]**  
The vents are all _finally _clean. Every. Single. One.  
I don't think I realized exactly how many vents we had before now, but it's ridiculous. I'm not even sure we use them for ventilation! We're underwater for Primus' sake! How could we possibly vent anything? Don't vents need to draw air in from somewhere? Where the frag do ours draw in air when we're _at the bottom of the fragging ocean? _

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**[Soundwave]**

The Autobots are getting close to the Nemesis.

Too close.

Something needs to be done about them.

They cannot find our base, but they will not leave until they do. Until they leave, Sheila must stay away. The longer she stays away the longer it will take for her to complete her task, and the longer she will be allowed on the Nemesis where she can cause problems for everyone.

No, the Autobots need to find a Deception base.

However...

It need not be this one.

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**[Sheila]**

I hate Portland.

The buildings are too tall. I've never actually stayed in a city this big before, or at least, I haven't left the airport of a city this big before.

I like the rain. It's dirty, and unclean rain, but it's still rain, and it reminds me of home. The not-so-sunny Sunshine Coast, as I affectionately call it.

It's strange to be so close to home, and yet duty bound to stay away from it.

I hope that I come across Carly sooner rather than later, for I have no wish to linger in this place longer than absolutely necessary.

With a sigh I walk into yet another store, a quaint little book store this time. Hopefully I can get a job _here_, since nobody else seems to be hiring. I look around, taking a deep breath just inside the door, basking in the smell of new books. It's a smell that I doubt will ever be present in Deception company, and I savour it while I can.

I mosey around the store, taking in the lovely feel of a good bookstore. My fingers run over the spines of countless books. Hopefully I'll be hired here. I'd very much like that. I look over at the checkout counter, and slowly make my way over to it, smiling at the thought of possibly working behind it soon.

Just as I'm about to reach the counter a lady with exceedingly poof blond hair steps in front of me, cutting me off. I snarl wordlessly as I recoil, barely avoiding a mouthful of blond hair. The lady turns to me with a startled and apologetic expression, and I barely stop myself from stumbling back in shock.

It's Carly Spencer.

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**[Megatron]**

I pride myself in knowing what I can about those under my command. It helps me predict them (even the ones that like to think themselves clever and unpredictable _*cough* _Starscream _*cough*_).

That's why, when I hear Soundwave's plan, I'm unusually surprised by it.

He is not normally the one to come up with such inventive plans. That task normally falls to his creations, and Starscream.

Despite my surprise, or perhaps because of it, I find myself agreeing to Soundwave's plan without much consideration. I swear that he's smirking under his blasted battle mask, taking amusement in the fact that he has managed to confuse me so.  
Sneaky glitch.

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**[Frenzy]**

I can't believe the plan Soundwave came up with! It's brilliant, and sneaky, and very outside the box.

That's normally the kind of thing _I _come up with.

If I weren't so proud of him, I'd be jealous.

I can see my good influence if finally having an effect on the oh-so-proper Soundwave.

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**[Thundercracker]**

Blasted Starscream.

'Oh Thundercracker, I need _you _to supervise the Constructions while they build our faux-base! _You're _the most responsible of us! Do you honestly expect _me_ to do it? I have a desk full of datapads to fill out! And you can't honestly expect me to ask _Skywarp _to do it! He'd probably rig the base with tripwires and glitter-paint bombs!'

With a sigh I lift the pile of tools in my arms, resigned to the scratches I know I'll have to repair on my cockpit glass later.

Hook snarls at me, "Not all of them at once you idiot! You'll damage them! Take a few at a time and suffer through multiple trips like everyone else."

Next to me I can hear Scavenger's muffled snickers.

I'm going to kill him. Stupid trine leader.

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**[Random Human]**

I've never seen an Autobot off of a television, so when I find a little one (by their standards), with bright yellow paint and a small pair of horns on his head skulking around some old warehouses I'm not quite sure how to react. He (I think it's a he) even _waves _at me! He's got a cheeky smile on his face, and he raises a finger to his mouth as he ducks behind another warehouse. I cautiously follow after him, peering carefully around the warehouse he disappeared behind, but he's gone.

I decide to take his advice and keep quiet about seeing him.

After all, who'd want to mess with an alien that size capable of vanishing like that?

Not me, that's for sure.

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**[Sheila]**

Carly turned out to be nicer than I originally thought her to be. She apologized quite profusely for cutting in front of me, and we struck up a nice conversation about books. She waited while I got my application, and we chatted all the way down the street and around a corner, finally coming to a halt at a semi-busy bus stop. She gave me her phone number, and I promised to call her later.

She left on the bus, and I watched it drive away with my thoughts racing. I hadn't even needed to use the back-story about having been in her elementary school for a while before moving away. Not yet, at any rate.

This was either going to be much easier, or much harder, than I'd originally thought.

Oh well, back to my parking lot to fill out my application. Maybe I could take the rest of the day off? I did make a good deal of (unexpected) progress today. I quickly stop at a pet store along the way, grabbing some more food for Cadaverous.

Maybe I can use him and his inherent kitten cuteness to move my friendship with Carly along? I've yet to meet a person that can wholeheartedly resist a kitten.

I take a twisted path back to the parking lot I have Asphalt parked in, pleased that I now know the area well enough to navigate most of the back alleys. Now I have a sense of where I can run if I need to, for any reason.

As I reach Asphalt I hear the near silent rumble of an engine. It's too quiet. Definitely not like the engine of a normal Earth vehicle. Almost as if...

...an Autobot sits quietly across the small parking lot. A red van, to be precise. I stare uneasily at it before a quiet mewling reaches my ears, and I quickly get into Asphalt, preparing Cadaverous' food with the new found ease of someone who has only recently acquired a pet.

I think I will stay in for the rest of the day.

The Autobot won't be here that long, surely?

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**[Ironhide]**

I don't like the look of this human female. She's suspicious. There's just something... _off... _about her.

I wish Bumblebee hadn't gone off to rescue that girl Prowl and Jazz are convinced the Cons took. He's so much better at interacting with humans and getting information out of them without seeming to.

I open a comm. line to the Ark, and the cheerful voice of Blaster answers.

_Blaster: Hey 'Hide! What're you calling for? Carly okay?_

A sigh escapes me. Why must he sways be so damn cheerful?

_Ironhide: I need to talk to Prime, Blaster._

A chuckle echoes down the line.

_Blasted: What? No time for niceties? And Carly is alright, right?_

I snort. No respect. Though, his concern for Carly is touching.

_Ironhide: Carly's fine, Blaster. Now patch me through to Prime._

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**[Optimus Prime]**

I groan, gently placing the last data pad on top of the smallest of many large stacks.

Finally, I finished them all.

Now I can recharge.

A light flickers on in the corner of my vision, signalling an incoming comm. call.

I sigh. I suppose recharge will have to wait a little while longer.

_Optimus Prime: What is it, Ironhide?_

Hopefully it will be something quickly resolved.

_Ironhide: A suspicious looking girl ran into Carly today. They appear to have become friends, but I don't like her. Something's not right about her._

Oh thank Primus. It's just Ironhide being his normal, overprotective self.

_Optimus Prime: I know you, my friend. You are rarely wrong about such things. You have my permission to follow Carly's new friend. Just try not to frighten her too much, on the off chance that she is exactly as she seems. It would not do to alienate a friend of Carly's._

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**[Prowl]**

We found the Deception base. After several days of searching, we finally found it.

Jazz and Mirage are infiltrating it now.

Please, please let us find this girl. Who knows what the Deceptions are putting her through.

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**[Sheila]**

I swear, that red van is stalking me.

It was still in the parking lot when I woke up this morning.

I see it around every corner.

It hides in the alleys, I think. How it manages to fit considering its size I have no idea.

Every time I go into a store, it waits outside.

I hope it's not planning on kidnapping me. That would be twice within a month.

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**[Rumble]**

I sigh and stroll down the hall to the "Command Center." Soundwave said it would be good to show the Autobots (the ones we _know _are skulking about, and have been for the last day or so) that we're all very busy planning evil Decepticon-y things. Since the whole Faux-Base plan needs to convince the Autobots that this base is our actual, full time base, we all need to be here and acting normally. Apparently walking around and having intense looking conversations and meetings is what the Autobots would consider normal for us.

Hence the foolish pretenses.

A little light flickers on in the corner of my view, and I grimace. It's Sheila.

Thank goodness I routed the line I set up for her through practically every satellite and phone tower on the planet, otherwise she'd have just blown her cover. As it is, I don't doubt the Autobots are trying to hack the call right now. Additionally, the sensor heavy paneling that makes up the whole base is telling me there's an Autobot currently observing the hallway.

Sorry Sheila. Whatever it is will have to wait.

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**[Ironhide]**

My engine almost stutters when I hear the curses coming from the human female. Whoever didn't answer her call must have seriously annoyed her to deserve that kind of verbal abuse.

She glances around nervously, and flinches when she sees me.

Good.

The responses I'm getting from her are very satisfying. Maybe she'll take the hint and leave Carly alone.

Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll leave Portland altogether.

Then she tilts her head, and looks at me, a thoughtful expression on her face. Then she grins, a remarkably scary grin for a human, and dials another number into her cell phone.

I block out the sounds around me an focus my audios on her.

I can just hear what she's saying.

"Hey Carly, it's me Shiloh." Oh scrap. "You know, from the bookstore the other day? Yeah, I know, it was really nice talking to you too. Listen, you're not busy right now are you? No? Awesome. Why? Well, since I met you there's been this Autobot whose kind of been stalking me. I- yeah, actually. It is a red van." The human, _Shiloh, _gives me an amused look, "Yeah, I think I can tell him that. You sure he won't shoot the messenger, as it were?" She laughs, "Okay, I can do that instead." Shiloh starts walking towards me, that scary smile still firmly in place. "Oh, I'm sure he'll be happy to talk to you, Carly."

This will not end well.

Shiloh stops next to my driver side door and holds her phone out towards me. Is she giving it to me? Then Carly's voice comes from the little device. "Why, hello there Ironhide."

She doesn't sound happy.

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**[Sheila]**

Listening to Carly verbally berate Ironhide for stalking me almost made up for the fact that she lives in a city as big as Portland.

Almost.

I have to wonder, though, at Carly's relationship with the Autobots. She doesn't seem to be some kind of pet, like the Decepticons told me she was. If the way Ironhide was sulking was any indicator, he at least seemed to view her as something close to an equal.

What a weird thought.

* * *

Thoughts?

I'll try to make the next chapter longer, promises. I just usually seem to run out of steam after around 1500 words...


	8. A Slightly Bigger Problem I

_[5247]_

I'm _so sorry_ for the long wait, this chapter has lots of plot and action so I hope it partially makes up for it (it's one of the reasons it took so long to write).

Sorry in advance for any grammatical errors!

_name of speaker: comm. link talk_

* * *

**[Sheila]****  
**Carly is really, really nice. Even nicer than I figured after our first meeting. She's also freakishly smart, which is really intimidating. However, I invited her to coffee a few days ago, and have managed to get her talking about the Autobots.  
She is surprisingly eager to talk about them, and I gather she isn't as comfortable with some of them as she's lead everyone to believe.  
She leans forwards a bit over her very, very strong coffee, "It's not that I don't try to like all of them, I really do, especially because they're such a big part of Spike's life, but sometimes they can be so damn offensive!"  
I stare at her in befuddlement, "How so?"  
She sighs and very intentionally places her coffee on the table, "Did you know that Ratchet, because he's a medic and has incredibly advanced scanners, can detect pheromones?"  
I wonder if Hook can do that, "No, I didn't know that."  
She jabs a finger at me, "And did you also know that the first time I met him I was with Spike, and he said _to our faces _'Hmmm, the boy's pheromone levels suggest he want to mate with you, Carly.'"  
Carly spreads her hands wide and leans back before crossing her arms and glaring at the table, "And _then, _after I'd politely told him that those kinds of observations are _not _usually said out loud because they're considered private he had the audacity to ask me _why!"__  
_"Why what?"  
"He was wondering why observations like that were considered private!"  
I stare at Carly, vastly amused, "What did you tell him?"  
She huffs, "I told him that we humans do not like to discuss our sex lives with people in public."  
I really shouldn't argue. "_Some _people."  
Carly narrows her eyes at me, "Excuse me?"  
I raise my hands placatingly, "I'm just saying that some people really like talking about sex in public, and have you ever stopped and really listened for innuendos? Anything can be made sexual in a conversation if you put your mind to it."  
She glares at me for a moment, "Prove it."  
I pause to consider how our conversation has so easily turned from the Autobots to how far in the gutter my mind is, and whether or not Ironhide (who is _still _stalking me, just not as obviously) can hear us from where he's parked across the street.  
I grin, if this is what it takes to befriend Carly then I've got this in the bag.  
"Bring it."

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**[Ironhide]****  
**I cannot believe someone as intelligent as Carly would degrade herself talking to a human like that. She could be on the Ark with Wheeljack or Skyfire talking about science and improving in her studies, while instead she's with the horrible female.  
Carly is wrong about her, I just know it. She's too suspicious. Something is just _off _about her.  
And she has a disgusting, shedding, defecating, screeching white feline in her vehicle.  
Which she named _Cadaverous _of all things.  
Something isn't right about her, and I need to figure out what it is before she hurts Carly or the Autobots.

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**[Prowl]**

Why Jazz has insisted on taking random obscure highways back across the United States I'll never know. He even refused to let me turn my alt-mode's sirens on to make the trip faster, something he has been begging me to let him do since he learned such a thing was possible. However, seeing as he was just as disappointed as I was when we failed to find Ms. Kennari, perhaps even more so, I let him be.

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**[Megatron]**

"Autobots. Departed."

Starscream snorts, "Way to state the obvious."

Soundwave and I ignore him. "Tell Rumble he can call that human back now. She's had enough time to befriend the Autobot's human, and we don't want that team or bumbling idiots running into her and recognizing her."

Soundwave nods and leaves silently.

Starscream scowls, "I don't see why we went through all of this nonsense for a single human female, _my lord."_

I stare at him in surprise, that surprisingly respectful. I suppose dignifying his question with an answer would be appropriate. "If a secondary base such as this were not so useful, I never would have bothered. Additionally, the Autobots now think they have discovered our real base and mapped it out, and it's close enough to our real base that a little more activity in the area would be more easily dismissed than it would have been previously."

Starscream looks unimpressed, "Yes, but that does not explain why it took a human to motivate all of this."

I sigh, "Starscream, that human ceased being useful as she was originally intended the moment she figured out our anti-gravity thrusters could function in water. However, her purpose here now is more... flexible... than it was before. We can still utilize the numerous homeless people in nearby cities for our normal experiments, but having a human working for us like the Autobots do could be beneficial in a number of ways."

She's also keeping Soundwave's brats from causing their normal amount of trouble, but I'll never admit out loud that I find them irritating at times, most certainly not to _Starscream_.

And her presence irritates him. Can't forget that wonderful bonus.

"You have no idea why you're not getting rid of her, do you."

I thought I knew how unimpressed Starscream could look. Apparently I was wrong.

I roll my optics, "Whatever helps you recharge, my dear s_econd _in command."

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**[Rumble]**

The Autobots left.

_Finally_.

Now we can all quietly return to our actual base and screw around like we normally do.

And Sheila can come back. I wonder why she called me a few days ago? Maybe I should make sure nothing happened to her. We did just go through a lot so the Autobots wouldn't find her, it'd be unfortunate if something totally unrelated and awful happened to her. Like a car crash.

Sad, but ironic.

I can call her to check in on her, and tell her to come back at the same time.

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**[Sheila]**

I cannot _believe _this!

I _just _got to Portland a few days ago, and now I have to all the way back to the East coast _again?_

There should be some kind of card you get that generates points when you drive long distances. Like frequent-flyer miles, but for cars. Somehow.

Has Megatron seriously deemed my few conversations with Carly enough for me to be considered 'worthy'?

And how exactly am I supposed to explain this to Carly? What will Ironhide think? He already find me suspicious, this will just cement that for him.  
'Hi, I just moved here from the East coast and Carly, you're a super cool person and all (despite the stalker van) but now I have to leave and go back there for no apparent reason! Think that Ironhide may be on to something? I know right, this is totally weird and suspicious! Please don't kill me.'

But all joking aside, this is going to prove something to Ironhide, and I'm not sure exactly how bad that is right now, but I do know it's bad.

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**[Ironhide]**

I knew it. That female is trouble. If only Carly wasn't such a nice person, she would see it too.

Why move to the west coast, and then move back all the way to the east coast a few days later? And why does she have so few personal items? Some clothing and a cat is not much for an active young human. Spike has accumulated a ridiculous amount of stuff for someone his age, how has this human, one that has lived several years longer than Spike, have so much less?

She even applied for a job here! Why bother if she was just going to leave so soon?

She seemed irritated when she told Carly at their last meeting. Perhaps she's working for someone, and they suddenly recalled her? That would explain everything. Maybe another group of human conspiracy theorists want to infiltrate the Ark. Again.

It could be the Decepticons though. Prowl did say they were sighted not too far north a week or two ago. Maybe they sent her here to spy on us via Carly. That would be a new tactic, but not too outrageous for them.

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**[Carly]**

Ironhide can be really sweet sometimes, but he can also be incredibly thick, and I'm not just referring to his armor.

"Ironhide, some people don't collect junk like Spike does. A person like Shiloh is organized and neat, not suspicious. Besides, she probably has a bunch of stuff in a storage locker somewhere. She did say that she was just seeing if she like this side of the continent or not, she made no solid decisions about moving here."

Ironhide growls, (more of a menacing engine noise than anything else) clearly fed up with my logic. "But why apply for a job if you're not going to stay?"

I sigh, "In this world people need money for almost everything, it would have been foolish of her _not _to get a job, and I did hear her tell the manager that she wasn't sure how long she'd be in Portland when she got the application, and the lady told her to apply anyways."

Ironhide sinks down a bit, "I'm just worried about you Carly. Something's off about her, and I've never been wrong about stuff like this before."

I gently pat his hood, "How about I watch what I say from now on, alright? More than I already do. I won't tell her about the Autobots beyond what's said on TV and what strange non-information-sensitive situations I experience personally. Is that okay?"

Ironhide rocks back and forth a bit, "Fine. But I'm going to make sure there's always an Autobot nearby when you meet her."

I snort, "Ironhide, she's someone I nearly head-butted in a book store a few days ago that is now, as far a I know, permanently moving back to the east coast. Unless I suddenly decide to follow her I doubt I'll ever see her face-to-face again."

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**[Sheila]**

I sigh and stare at the long stretch of highway in front of me, eyes flicking between the few trees lining it and the distant form of a truck with boredom only long road trips can bring. Seeing as this is my third trip cross country in less than a month I think I'm entitled to a little boredom. I was probably entitled to boredom on the first and second trips too, but the whole Decepticon thing kept it at bay the first time, and I was preoccupied with planning and Cadaverous the second time.

I even planned a route along random highways instead of the freeway for a change of scenery in the hopes that it would be less boring.

It's not working.

Cadaverous hops onto the dashboard, and I gently reach over and grab him before he can hurt himself. He mewls quietly in protest before slowly curling up in the passengers seat among his nest of blankets.

I look up, and the single other vehicle on the road is now a lot closer. It's a grey pickup truck, and it has a horribly clashing green bed cover. Cadaverous mewls again and crawls into my lap, and I rest a hand on him to keep him still. Crashing because I had a kitten in my lap would be a bad idea.

I frown at the incoming truck. Now that it's close enough I can vaguely make out the driver and passenger. They both have sunglasses and.. are those guns? I have a bad feeling about this. Suddenly the truck swerves into my lane and I yank the steering wheel hard to the left, hoping that these random people aren't trying to kill me and doing my best to convince myself that they accidentally swerved. Maybe we can pretend we switched lanes for a few hundred meters and then forget it ever happened?

Nope. The truck sideswipes me as it goes by, and the hit sends Cadaverous and I skidding off the road. Thankfully this stretch of road doesn't have concrete barriers or deep ditches lining it, and I manage to keep from crashing into one of the randomly spaced trees. The engine is dead, and Cadaverous is pressing hard into my abdomen, shaking so much he appears to be vibrating. I glance in the rear-view mirrors to see if the truck is doing something I need to worry about like stopping or turning around.

It's stopped, and a bunch of people clad in black are getting out. Why are nefarious people always clad in black? And they have guns. Of course they have guns. Why wouldn't they?

Who are they? Some kind of terrorist group?

No. Running nobodies like me off the road is not something a terrorist group would do. This is probably worse somehow.

I desperately turn the key in the ignition, and I can feel my heart rate rising as the engine refuses to start. Why is my life starting to look more and more like a bad movie? The men are getting closer, and they look calm. Of course they're calm, I tell myself. They're not the ones who just got run off the road by a vehicle full of mysterious armed men. That would be me.

The engine stutters, almost dies, and then roars to life. It doesn't sound damaged, and I'm fairly certain I've never been so happy to hear a working vehicle in my life. I quickly pull back onto the road and gear up as fast as I can, hoping that I can put some distance between the group of armed men and myself before they can get back into their truck.

As Cadaverous and I speed down the road I silently pray that someone else will be on this road and that they'll be able to help us somehow. Otherwise I don't think Cadaverous and I have much chance of getting away from those men, and I doubt the Decepticons will bother rescuing me.

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**[Prowl]**

We're just cresting a fairly large hill when a rather beat up looking grey truck whips by, going well over the speed limit. Seeing as I'm disguised as a law enforcement vehicle I figure I should give chase. Before I can turn my sirens on another grey truck speeds by, this one with a bright green bed cover, as if chasing the first truck. Our group slows to a stop and stares after the two trucks, watching as they speed away.

I hesitantly turn my police lights on, "We should stop them before they hurt someone."

Jazz considers, then revs his engine, sounding thrilled with the chance to _do _something after our failure. "Let's bust 'em."

We all take off after the two trucks, me leading the way with my sirens on, and rapidly gain ground on them. The Earth vehicles are no match for our Cybertronian frames. Just as I'm pulling up alongside the rear truck one of the windows rolls down and an armed human dressed all in black peers out at me. He grins and fires at me, his bullets harmlessly ricocheting off my armor. I pull ahead of the truck and open a comm line with the rest of our group.

_Prowl: Jazz, you and Bumblebee get the lead truck. We'll take care of this one._

Wordless agreement echoes back and we split up without pause. I pull directly in front of the truck and start slowing down, forcing it to slow down or risk crashing. It's easy to keep in front of it, even as it swerves across the road in a series of attempts to get around me despite Hound and Mirage steadily boxing it in. We eventually get it stopped, and I'm about to transform when Jazz open up a com line with me.

_Jazz: Prowl, you're gonna want to see who's in this vehicle._

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**[Sheila]**

I rest my head on the steering wheel and take deep, shuddering breaths. I'm safe now. The police car stopped the truck, and the other vehicles are keeping any of the men from getting out. I'm safe. After half an hour of freakishly high speed driving and several more near misses I'm finally (hopefully) safe.

The car that stopped me is still in front of me, idling quietly.

Cadaverous is still in my lap, and I carefully warp my arms around him, taking the moment to reassure myself again that we are safe.

Then the cop car pull up beside us, and _transforms. _

I take one look at the Autobot symbol boldly displayed on the mech's large bumper-chest and feel my heart rate shoot straight back up.

I'm so dead. I take a closer look at the small convoy around the truck full of armed men and realize that I recognize the odd group of vehicles. Autobots. The cop car is Prowl, Second in Command of the entire Autobot faction. And that means that the car that stopped Cadaverous and I? Yeah, that's Jazz then. Head of Autobot Special Operations. I'm so going to die. Or be interrogated. I'm starting to think that getting shot and/or abducted (again) would have been the lesser of two evils.

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**[Blast Off]**

This is ridiculous. How is it the human attracts so much trouble? First Ironhide in Portland, then the armed vehicle, and now the very same Autobot group that we only just managed to get rid of? She's like some kind of danger-magnet.

Lord Megatron is not going to be pleased.

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**[Megatron]**

I narrow my optics, "What did you say?"

Onslaught looks remarkably calm, "Blast Off reports that the human female Sheila has been captured by the Autobot group that found our False Base after being chased by a vehicle full of unknown armed human males. She is being taken to the Ark as we speak."

I'm thankful my throne is built of the strongest metals we know of, otherwise it would be cracking under the force of my grip. "You mean to tell me that the one human that knows the location of our real base and it's secret entrance somehow managed to nearly get herself killed, and then proceeded to get rescued by the very same Autobots we just deceived."

Onslaught's visor barely flickers, "Yes, Lord Megatron."

I snarl, furious beyond words. I should never have let that blasted human come here. "She will undoubtedly give away the location of the Nemesis, _my lord. _It seems the human is even more worthless than I originally thought."

I turn to Starscream, oh so tempted to use him as an outlet for my current frustration, but that will have to wait.

"Gather the command staff. We need to figure out how to deal with this. Now."

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**[Rumble]**

I'm glad Soundwave let me stay in his chest compartment during the officer's meeting. I can help figure out how to get Sheila back, and I can make a plan that doesn't involve killing her like everyone elses plans.

Killing Sheila would solve the problems her knowledge of us causes, but she could still be useful to us. She seems to genuinely like (some of) us, and she could easily be manipulated into helping us with practically anything. I'm sure the limits of what she'd do for us if we just asked are pretty easy to work around with the right phrasing.

Maybe we could attack the Autobots? They did just, in their processors at least, discover out base. A counter-strike wouldn't be unreasonable, would almost be expected really.

We could pretend we think she's a new Autobot pet. Or not. I'm sure the 'Bots would freak out over any human if they think we want them. They did just try to "rescue" Sheila from us despite never having met her before. Imagine how much they'd freak out if we snatched her directly from them!

Yes, I think my plan is much better than anybody elses plans. Especially Starscream's. "Accidentally" blowing up the whole convoy is a really dumb idea. The high amounts of damage the Autobots' would do in revenge if that worked would not make the offlining of those mechs worth it.

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**[Sheila]**

I'm sitting inside Prowl.

I'm _sitting _inside _Prowl._

He hasn't said anything to me beyond general inquiries about my health. No small talk. I'm normally okay with silence, but the fact that I'm basically working for the faction that has been trying to kill Prowl and all of the mechs under (and over) his command for millions of years is weighing a little heavily on my mind right now.

Having Cadaverous is actually helping me stay calm. A little. His weight in my lap helps to ground me and keep my worries from inducing a panic attack.

All of a sudden, Prowl pulls over. I look in his rear-view mirror to see all the other Autobots have too.

"Um, Prowl?"

There's a pause, "Yes, Sheila?"

I barely hide my wince, so much for my disguise

"Why did you guys stop?"

Prowl idles quietly for a moment before his driver's side door unlocks, "Jazz would like to speak with you and requested the transfer be made as soon as possible."

I'm so dead. "Oh. Okay." I pause, "Can I take Cadaverous?"

Prowl, having only stalled for a moment when I first introduced him to my kitten, merely opens the door a little wider. "Of course."

I gently grab my white fluff ball and maneuver myself out of Prowl. Jazz opens his door as I walk towards him, and I do my best to subtly calm down. He's not going to kill me. He's an Autobot. Killing people is what the Decepticons do (at least intentionally, I'm sure there've been a few humans accidentally killed by Autobots) and Jazz is not a Decepticon.

He's just the head of Autobot Special Operations.

I've read some of his file (his file in the Decepticon database is frickin' huge, and most of is isn't confirmed) and it's terrifying. I don't want to sit _inside _of him. Cadaverous quietly purrs, and I manage to keep from obviously freaking out.

I'm just about to come even with his rear bumper when a small explosion on the highway next to me sends me flying into the roadside drainage ditch.

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**[Rumble]**

I watch on one of the command center viewing screens from Blast Off's perspective and his shot sends Sheila flying into a ditch.

_Rumble: The plan was to scrap the Autobots, not Sheila you dumbaft._

Blast Off's next shot just misses Jazz as he transforms and tries to get to Sheila, who doesn't appear to have been very injured in her sudden unintentional attempt at flight.

_Blast Off: Why don't you shut the frag up and let me do my job, midget. Taking pot-shots at the Autobots is easy enough on the ground like in the battles you idiots always manage to lose, what I do is much harder and requires more concentration. Concentration that I find lacking with your complaining._

Frenzy snickers as Blast Off's next shot scorches the tip of one of Bumblebee's audial horns.

_Rumble: Fine. I'll mute it. You should know the Elite Trine will arrive at the Autobot's position in about 10 minutes._

Megatron smirks at the screen as a smoking hole appears in one of Prowl's doorwings. Frenzy and I grimace. Someone's going to get us back big time for that shot in the next battle.

_Blast Off: So soon? I thought that those three were slower._

Jazz nearly manages to pick up Sheila, but she shrieks and ducks away as a shot nearly decapitates her.

_Rumble: I thought I told you to avoid Sheila, and they were out on patrol._

Two shots hit the ground around Sheila in quick succession, nearly blowing through both of Hound's servos.

_Blast Off: I have 10 minutes to kill, and an organic to keep out of Autobot servos for the duration of that time. I'll shoot whatever the frag I want, midget. Why can't Skywarp just warp over here, then._

Hound visibly swears as Sheila jumps out of the ditch and onto the highway, clutching a little white thing that I assume is her new cat. She slides under Bumblebee's reaching servos and dances around Jazz before rolling into the ditch on the opposite side of the highway and sprinting away from the five mechs, all the while keeping the pathetic little pet safe.

_Rumble: One visible Decepticon, with backup from orbit against 5 Autobots, one the most brilliant tactician ever and the other four elite special ops, are not good odds for anyone. Even some one as freakishly lucky as Skywarp... On an unrelated note, if you somehow hit her cat, I wouldn't mind at all._

Prowl dives over the highway as two more shots nearly hit his other doorwing, and Sheila dives down and curls up as he rolls over the ditch, still keeping a firm grip on the white fluff ball.

_Blast Off: Fine. ETA now? And from the looks of it I'm pretty sure nothing will make her drop it._

Jazz whips around, blaster out and charged, and I can only assume his sensitive audios picked up the deep rumble of the Elite Trine's jet engines.

The remaining Autobots temporarily forgo retrieving Sheila and keep their movements erratic as they warily watch the sky for jets.

Sheila slowly uncurls and peers out of her ditch at the Autobots before quickly walking away from them, a slight limp making itself known.

The video streaming from Blast Off's optics zooms out, and the Elite Trine comes into view, streaking quickly towards the group of wary Autobots. The view slowly zooms back in, and just before the trio begin their strafing run one of them disappears from view. The Autobots panic, and Skywarp reappears a ways behind them before they can turn around, quickly slowing down and transforming in time to somewhat-gently grab Sheila (and that stupid cat) and warp away again.

The Autobots watch in disbelief as the jets circle above them well out of range, Starscream undoubtedly taunting them as planned.

Victory is ours.

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**[Sheila]**

Even safely ensconced in Skywarp's cockpit I can hear Starscream shrieking down at the Autobots.

"This human must be important to you, for you to go through so much trouble for her."

I can barely see them way down on the ground, but if I had to guess I'd say they were glowering up at the brightly coloured triad.

"Too bad for her you drew our attention, otherwise we'd never have bothered relieving you of her presence! Hope you don't mind if we play with your new pet for a while!"

I frown at Skywarp's freakishly complicated controls, "New pet?"

The jets take off, Starscream in the lead, and the quick acceleration pushes me back against the seat, and Cadaverous against my abdomen.

"Yeah, we're pretending we only grabbed you 'cause the 'Bots drew our attention and you happened to be there. It's better that they believe we took you because we think you're valuable to them, as opposed to you being valuable to us."

I give him a confused smile, masking my inner joy at being deemed valuable to the Decepticons, "Thanks. That mostly makes sense."

Skywarp does a quick barrel roll that leaves my head spinning and I almost lose my grip on Cadaverous. "Don't mention it, squishy."

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**[Laserbeak]**

It's been a long time since I've seen Prowl and Jazz this furious.

Prowl's sitting perfectly still on a berth in the medbay, attempting to glare holes into the wall while Ratchet carefully repairs his doorwing. Jazz is leaning casually against the wall by the door, his visor dim. His relaxed position isn't fooling anybody, and I can only guess at what he's thinking.

Once the five defeated Autobots arrived back at the Ark they all headed straight to Prime's office to give their reports. Two hours later and the group left, all heading directly to the medbay for minor repairs. Not even Ratchet's customary insults cheered them, and I watched uneasily as they were all repaired without saying a word, Mirage and Hound leaving and returning straight to their respective quarters, Bumblebee heading out to resume his position watching Spike and Carly. I'm surprised they're taking Sheila's "kidnapping" so seriously.

Prowl and Jazz leave the med bay, but unlike the others they head to Prowl's office. A while later Ironhide joins them, back from watching over Carly and Spike in Bumblebee's absence. I stay back from the ventilation grate in Prowl's office, wary of getting too close with him and Jazz in such a bad mood.

"So what'd you two call me in here for?"

That would be Ironhide. He sounds a little wary, and given the current moods of Prowl and Jazz I don't blame him.

"You asked Prime for permission to monitor a human female that Carly recently befriended because you found her suspicious."

"Uh, yeah." Oh scrap.

"Do you have any photos of her?" Not good.

"I do, actually." This is really bad.

"May we see?"

"Sure."

There's silence for a moment.

Then Jazz speaks up. "Fragging glitch."

He sounds so emotionless, completely unlike the cheery mech that he pretends to be in front of the rest of the Autobots.

He sounds absolutely furious.

"Indeed, Jazz. It seems our original theory was correct after all."

So does Prowl.

"What exactly is going on here, you two."

Ironhide, on the other servo, sounds very confused.

We're in trouble now.

"A few weeks ago a human female in the south west corner of British Columbia went missing around the same time Thundercracker was detected in the area. I originally believed the two events to be unrelated, but Jazz convinced me otherwise. We recently went with Hound, Mirage, and Bumblebee across North America to find the Decepticon base..."

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**[Starscream]**

I cannot believe that Megatron sent my trine out to retrieve _the human. _

That disgusting organic was carried back to base by Skywarp, and has somehow managed to acquire another tiny organic that seems to be even more useless than she is.

The stupid thing can't even talk.

Maybe the ever-glorious Lord Megatron will let me experiment on _this _useless creature, seeing as the human is apparently off-limits.

* * *

Thoughts?

Flames will be doused with tea.


	9. A Slightly Bigger Problem II

**IT'S ALIVE!**

So sorry for the long wait, I only just managed to update before 1 year had passed... thank you to AutobotShadowKat for giving me motivation to write another chapter, though I'm sorry that it is rather short. University kills my muse, and it's unfortunately starting up again (I even get to start a month early, yay...)

_*****Beware of some angst. I couldn't see a realistic way to ignore it, sorry. (Stupid Autobots, feeling guilty for things.)*_

"spoken aloud"

_name: comm talk_

[name]:bond talk:

-.-.-.-.- PoV Change

**[PoV Character]**

* * *

**[Sheila]**

I've been back at the Decepticon Base for a few days now, and all of the minor injuries that I sustained during the skirmish with the Autobots are now almost completely healed.

Most of that time has been spent studying up on Cybertronian information. Reviewing the Autobots on Earth, learning about some of the ones on Cybertron, and learning more about the Decepticons that I'm trapped however many fathoms down with.

Trying to stuff so much information into my brain has given me the worst head-ache ever. It's not quite a migraine, but it's pretty damn close.

I also learned that the ship that is the main portion of the underwater Decepticon base is, ironically, named _Victory. _Obviously it was named before being shot down.

Rumble told me that Laserbeak overheard a conversation between Autobot Officers. They seem to be under the (rather correct) assumption that I am working for the Decepticons. They also believe (rather incorrectly) that I am being held captive in a tiny cell (why would naturally massive non-terrestrial beings have a random human-sized holding cell onboard their secret base?) and strong-armed into working for the 'Cons on the pain of Bad Things.

Which, no. I mean, I do miss teaching kids how to swim, I really liked some of those little brats, but helping these massive beings learn something non-violent is definitely not a hardship.

If they're stuck with me while I teach them how to swim, then they're not out attacking something, stealing something else, or killing people and causing damage.

While I will admit that they need to get me food and water and possibly clothes, and the chances of them getting it without stealing are less than zero, I doubt even those excursions are too damaging to the surrounding area. They probably won't want to expend much energy on me, and the states nearby are all heavily populated, so they can't do too much damage and draw unnecessary attention.

Really, I have humanity's best interests in mind by teaching the Decepticons how to swim.

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**[Ironhide]**

While feelings of guilt and doubt are not unusual in war time, it's rare that I've felt so much for on organic.

If I'd spent more time worrying about Shiloh, actual name _Sheila,_ instead of being suspicious of her then maybe I'd have realized the damn 'Cons had her doing their dirty work and could have rescued her.

Carly's also horribly guilty, poor girl. Everyone's telling her there's no way she could've known, but even those of us that've existed for millennia have a hard time truly convincing ourselves of something when our mind refuses to let our spark see reason.

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**[Rumble]**

I'm not sure if Sheila's noticed yet, she's been studying a lot while her stupidly fragile body heals itself (a process that is being monitored by Hook, Shockwave, and Starscream, because if we could regenerate ourselves to the extent that organics can then we'd have a huge advantage over the Autobots), but Starscream got Frenzy to steal Cadaverous a few hours ago. I don't know why, but I get the feeling that that useless fluffball isn't going to be alive for much longer.

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**[Starscream]**

Convincing Frenzy to steal the organic's pet was simple. He's already jealous of how much time Rumble spends with the blasted female, and providing him with an action that would cause some kind of damage to her? He was hooked before I was a quarter of the way through my already short request.

The organic's pet is miniscule on my examination table. It had seemed tiny in the organic's squishy clutches, but now it seems even smaller.

If I could create something this size that could be used to infiltrate the Autobot ranks… perhaps I could even make its external appearance resemble that of an Earth feline or canine, then the chances of one of the Autobots' pet humans picking it up and carrying it everywhere (while possibly refusing to let the Autobots run any invasive tests on it) would increase a great deal.

The fact that they've personally carried Soundwave and/or one of his spawn into the Ark on multiple occasions means they can hardly be expected to resist what are apparently very popular and (dare I even think the word) _cute _creatures, which raise the chances of this plan's success to approximately 100%.

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**[Carly]**

I can't believe I'm doing this, but I don't feel like I have any other choice. I know that I could be putting Shiloh (Sheila, damnit, Sheila, I cannot keep using the name those miserable 'Cons forced on her) in even more danger, but I have to talk to her! I need to know if there's some way I could help her!

I bite my lip and look at the number displayed in my phone's history. The name, recently changed, taunts me. I doubt the Autobots would approve of this, but I haven't told them. They're already treating me like some stupid child, but _I should have seen something. _Some sign that Shil-Sheila was in trouble. Everything Ironhide pointed out about her that he said was suspicious was a sign that I could have seen that should have lead me to the inescapable fact that my new friend is being held prisoner by some of the most evil, violent, and needlessly cruel beings in the universe.

I _need _to know if she's okay.

Deep breath. In… and out…

I hit the call button.

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**[Sheila]**

My phone is ringing.

Correction. _Shiloh's _phone is ringing.

Rumble looks up from where he's lying on the floor for no apparent reason, visor flashing dangerously. "Who's that, and how are you getting reception?"

I lunge over to my backpack, digging around and carefully pulling out the ringing cell phone. "Caller display says it's Carly, and I really don't know."

Rumble's expression goes blank for a moment, then he's up and pulling me towards the elevator. "C'mon. We need to tell the Bosses."

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**[Carly]**

No answer.

Voicemail.

It was a long shot, but it was all I had.

What could be happening to Sheila right now that she can't answer her phone? I've seen the 'Cons in action, I've heard the 'Bots' stories, and I fear for Sheila's well-being.

Maybe I should get one of the 'Bots. Maybe they could hack Sheila's phone, find some way to hack it and hear whatever the speaker can pick up.

All I know for sure is that I'm not going to rest until Sheila is safe from the clutches of those monsters.

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**[Sheila]**

We're almost at the Command Center (so much running, oh my god) when I realize that I haven't seen Cadaverous in a while.

"Hey… Rumble…" I wheeze, pausing for a moment to rest my underused muscles (I'm a swimmer, not a runner damnit).

He paces and glares at me, as if it's my fault that I can't sprint several kilometers without pausing. Which, maybe it is, but motivated enough to be an Olympic-level athlete I am most certainly not.

"What." He snaps.

"Have you… seen… Cadaverous… anywhere?"

Rumble hesitates, "No."

How is he a spy? That was the least convincing 'No' ever to be spoken aloud.

"Liar…"

He glares, and Shade appears beside me. "I believe that Frenzy made off with the rodent some time ago."

Now it's my turn to glare, though I doubt my red face and still steady gasping make for an intimidating picture. "Cadaverous is… not… a rodent!"

Shade gives me an unimpressed _look _(he's growing up so fast), "That creature was small, made high-pitched noises, and was covered in fur, yes? I care not for the specifics, and it is close enough for me."

I'm about to reply when I'm interrupted by the sounds of loud footsteps. Right as I'm catching my breath two massive mechs come around a corner.

One of them is red and white with what look like helicopter rotors on his back, and the other is mostly dark blue, nearly as tall as (if not taller than) Megatron, and has two massive gun barrels peeking over his shoulders.*

The red and white one, _Vortex _my poor brain tells me, taps the massive blue one, _Onslaught,_ excitedly on the shoulder and bounces up and down when he sees me. "Look! It's the squishy! Ons, lookit how small it is!"

Onslaught glances in our direction before obviously deciding to ignore Vortex and continue walking down the hall.

Vortex, however, has other ideas. Rumble has pressed me back towards the wall, away from the duos' massive feet. Vortex ambles along, ignoring Rumble's suspicious glaring (though who can really tell through that visor?), and in a move that's too fast for me to see, reaches down and snatches me up before Rumble can do anything.

I nearly puke as I rapidly ascend to the crazy mech's visor level, and he peers at me while I try not to fall off his hand (or barf on it, I'm pretty sure he'd drop me and I doubt Onslaught would bother to catch me if that happened). "You know," he says congenially, "I've killed a lot of squishies that looked kind of like you."

I stare at him, queasy, terrified, and deeply confused. "Good for you?"

He tilts his head, examining me from another angle, "You didn't scream." He sounds impressed.

Onslaught sighs, "Vortex, put the human down before Rumble decides to pile drive you through the floor."

Vortex perks up, and I just know that he's grinning, "He can't do that! He could hurt his pet. She _is _a long way from the ground you know." He says that last part as if talking to a child, as if Onslaught could possibly be unaware of how small I am and how comparatively large and dangerous literally everything else is.

I can hear Rumble swearing, and Vortex brings me up to his shoulder, "Climb on little squishy! Don't fall off! I doubt I'd notice something as small as you slipping and going splat all over the ground." He says that with terrifying sincerity, and I carefully climb onto the insane mech's flat, smooth shoulder.

Is there anything else I can do?

I lean back, grabbing onto the rotor hub attached to Vortex's back so I don't slide off his shoulder, and the duo continues walking. I can hear Rumble swearing as he follows us, at least I know one mech will notice if I go splat all over the ground.

Vortex starts talking, sounding obscenely cheerful all the while.** "You know, little squishy, I haven't met a lot of your kind that don't scream a lot. I think you're the only one actually. I should take you flying one day. I bet I could get you to scream then."

At least he's being honest, I guess. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure Rumble warned me to stay away from this mech in particular on my first day here.

Oh well.

"You probably could." Might as well answer honesty with honesty. Besides, saying otherwise could be considered insulting. I really don't want to insult this mech, _ever._

Onslaught and Vortex stop in front of a very large doorway, and I manage to recognize the command center before the doors even open.

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**[Soundwave]**

Immediately after Sheila's cell phone rang Rumble had contacted me.

This could prove very advantageous. If the Autobots tried to negotiate for Sheila… well.

In order to preserve their caring, ally-to-all-humans, "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings," outlook they would need to get Sheila back from us.

I have my doubts about the girl's continued usefulness. While it is nice for there to be a harmless presence onboard that my creations can talk to about things other than war, something they've not ever truly had, keeping her here while the Autobots ceaselessly try to rescue her is not a wise course of action.

Additionally, Sheila will likely side with the Decepticons over the Autobots. She will make a good spy, should Lord Megatron decide to pursue such actions.

I informed Lord Megatron of the situation, and he called the Officers into the command center for a meeting.

Not too long after the summons went out, a harried Rumble contacted me.

[Rumble]: Vortex just picked her up, Boss. Literally picked her up. She's going to die!:

This is unexpected.

[Soundwave]: Follow. Ensure Sheila's survival. Sheila. Vital role to play in future plots.:

A snarls echoed down the bond.

[Rumble]: If Vortex keeps threatening her she's not gonna side with us over the 'Bots.:

The command doors opened and, sure enough, Sheila was perched precariously on Vortex's shoulder. Onslaught looked resigned, if a bit amused.

_Onslaught: The little human held up remarkable well against Vortex's enthusiasm. For an organic, she shows promise._

This is something I would never have foreseen.

_Soundwave: Sheila. Useful. _

Perhaps if she finds herself in the Combaticons' favour the chances of Starscream "accidentally" killing her will go down.

_Onslaught: She could be._

* * *

*In this story I'm going with everyone's' Transformers G1/Legends looks, not War for Cybertron or Animated. Also, when I looked up "Onslaught and Megatron" on Google Images the few images that were marginally helpful showed the two as being around the same height, despite their vastly different alt-modes.

**I never watched all of G1, and when I played the War for Cybertron series Vortex was kind of a sarcastic asshole, but I like to think he enjoys displaying inappropriate emotional states (like being obscenely cheery while describing torture or death) when he knows it'll really freak people out.

The plot thickens!

Thoughts?

Grammar mistakes that drive you crazier than Vortex?


End file.
